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Increased life expectancy in many society. Advantages and disadvantages of it

Increased life expectancy in many society. Advantages and disadvantages of it d9RVr
one obvious advantage effect of living long is Cultural heritage can be passed from old generation to young generation for many years. For instance, Musical culture may include some kind of information about history and it gives a chance to scientists for researching Moreover, youth can get more information about their local musical instruments and how to use them. Some youths may not be interested in their national music yet culture is one of the important things between countries' friendship. Overall, the benefits of life expectancy cause to long lasting cultural heritage with giving a huge amount of information to young generation. The principle issue with living long is lack of free spaces. One clear example is Japanese people. They built voluminous number of multistoried buildings with one or more restaurants or shops on each floor. Furthermore, some people can not put up with this kind of sphere and it can lead to health problems. Lack of space leads to build new Apartments for people as it causes to constructing new and modern buildings. This can definitely cost a substantial amount of money. In conclusion, it is difficult to live in a small space with many people such as your family or friends. Therefore, there may be changes in their health.
one
obvious advantage effect of living long is Cultural heritage can
be passed
from
old
generation to young generation for
many
years.

For instance
, Musical culture may include
some
kind of information about history and it gives a chance to scientists for researching

Moreover
, youth can
get
more information about their local musical instruments and how to
use
them.

Some
youths may not
be interested
in their national music
yet
culture is one of the
important
things between countries' friendship.

Overall
, the benefits of life expectancy cause to
long lasting
cultural heritage with giving a huge amount of information to young generation.

The principle issue with living long is lack of free spaces. One
clear
example is Japanese
people
. They built voluminous number of multistoried buildings with one or more restaurants or shops on each floor.

Furthermore
,
some
people
can not put up with this kind of sphere and it can lead to health problems.

Lack of space leads to build new Apartments for
people
as it causes to constructing new and modern buildings. This can definitely cost a substantial amount of money.

In conclusion
, it is difficult to
live
in a
small
space with
many
people
such as your family or friends.
Therefore
, there may be
changes
in their health.
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IELTS essay Increased life expectancy in many society. Advantages and disadvantages of it

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
211 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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