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Some people believe that the government should not invest in the development of art and instead, invest in other fields such as medicine and science. Which field do you think the government should invest in?

Some people believe that the government should not invest in the development of art and instead, invest in other fields such as medicine and science. Which field do you think the government should invest in? YBweK
These days the government is allocating a major portion of its budget on arts such as music, dance and visual arts. I agree that spending money on arts doesn't go in waste and I think the government should also spend money on medicine and science to improve people's health. There are several reasons for the government to spend money on arts. If the government starts music and dancing classes in primary schools, people can bring their inbuilt talents in arts and they can easily choose their career in arts and sports. By spending money on arts, there will be a lot of chances to increase employment in fine arts. So that Unemployment rate will also be decreased eventually and it helps in building a strong economy for the future generations. A survey from a famous university revealed that fine arts help people to concentrate on their field of work and it helps to lead a balanced life in this competitive world. Also, the government should spend money on medicine and science to take precautionary and mandatory measures to provide good health to people to increase their life standards. By investing funds on science, Nations can have an advanced technology to develop infrastructure in the research and development industry and scientists can invent preventive drugs and vaccines to fight against deadly diseases and viruses like COVID-19. Without having access to advanced technology in the research and development sector, countries cannot survive and provide good health benefits to its people. In developed countries, people's life span will be higher than developing countries because of inadequate facilities in the science and medicine field. In conclusion, the government should allocate funds in both fields as development of the arts will increase employment rate in the country and it will eventually help to build countries GDP whereas medicine and science will help to provide good health and it increases chances to increase people's life standards.
These days the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is allocating a major portion of its budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as music, dance and visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
doesn't go in waste and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health.

There are several reasons for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
music and dancing classes in primary schools,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can bring their inbuilt talents in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
arts and
they can
easily
choose their career in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and sports. By spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
chances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
employment in fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that Unemployment rate will
also
be decreased
eventually
and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in building a strong economy for the future generations. A survey from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
university revealed that fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to concentrate on their field of work and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to lead a balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in this competitive world.

Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
to take precautionary and mandatory measures to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
standards. By investing funds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, Nations can have an advanced technology to develop infrastructure in the research and development industry and scientists can invent preventive drugs and vaccines to fight against deadly diseases and viruses like COVID-19. Without having access to advanced technology in the research and development sector,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
cannot survive and provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health benefits to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span will be higher than developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of inadequate facilities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
field.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate funds in both fields as development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
employment rate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and it will
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
GDP whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
chances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
standards.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that the government should not invest in the development of art and instead, invest in other fields such as medicine and science. Which field do you think the government should invest in?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some people believe that the government should not invest in the development of art and instead, invest in other fields such as medicine and science. Which field do you think the government should invest in?