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some people believe that the elderly person should live with their childers

some people believe that the elderly person should live with their childers LL076
In this 21st century, the population of older people is increasing in developed countries. Some individuals opine that senior citizens should live along with their childrens, this way they can have social security and this can help them in cretical illness. While, others believe that old people should stay seperate because it lead them to independance life which is free from any type of interference On the one hand, Old couples in most cities suffer not only from numerous problems such as endless diseases which are born to surround them at this stage of life but also from growing number of crimes these days. Therefore, living along with the children not only guarantees them extra security against crime but also added Care during a critical illness moreover, it is also help in building a mutual relationship with the grand children’s. For instance, A survey was conducted by times of India newspaper dead due to increase in life expectancy the diseases in senior citizen has increased by 2. 5 times more than before this statistics clearly suggest the need for support for the aged people which can be best given by their childrenOn the other hand, some people argued that there is a growing sense of dissatisfaction among the senior citizens if they share a house with their children due to constant interference in their life by their children’s. This interference is essentially due to age gap between two generations which is extremely difficult to breach at the time passes moreover this lead to frequently argument among them, soaring their relationship and sometime they may also use abuse language did each other. To conclude, In my opinion the elderly population is at high risk of being victimized by serious crime and numerous diseases therefore it is best for them to live along with the children to granted them security. However, this is only possible as long as their individuality and independency respected and they are protected from abuse
In this 21st century, the population of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals opine that senior citizens should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
along with their
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
, this way they can have social security and this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in
Possible spelling mistake found.
cretical
illness. While, others believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should stay
Possible spelling mistake found.
seperate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
them to
Possible spelling mistake found.
independance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which is free from any type of interference On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
couples in most cities suffer not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
from numerous problems such as endless diseases which
are born
to surround them at this stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
from growing number of crimes these days.
Therefore
, living along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
guarantees them extra security against crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
Care during a critical illness
moreover
, it is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "helped".
help
in building a mutual relationship with the grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
.
For instance
, A survey
was conducted
by times of India newspaper dead due to increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy the diseases in senior citizen has increased by 2. 5 times more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
this statistics
clearly
suggest the need for support for the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which can be best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrenOn
the other hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argued that there is a growing sense of dissatisfaction among the senior citizens if they share a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to constant interference in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
. This interference is
essentially
due to age gap between two generations which is
extremely
difficult to breach at the time passes
moreover
this lead to
frequently
argument among them, soaring their relationship and sometime they may
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
abuse language did each other.

To conclude
, In my opinion the elderly population is at high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
being victimized
by serious crime and numerous diseases
therefore
it is best for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to granted them security.
However
, this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible as long as their individuality and
Possible spelling mistake found.
independency
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
respected and
they
are protected
from abuse
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IELTS essay some people believe that the elderly person should live with their childers

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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