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1.Read the following extract, then write PEEL paragraph describing what are the differences between the merchant and Santiago character, after that refer to the dream theme and the symbolism of the desert. Not less than 150.

1. Read the following extract, then write PEEL paragraph describing what are the differences between the merchant and Santiago character, after that refer to the dream theme and the symbolism of the desert. Not less than 150. KVK79
First of all, The crystal merchant serves as an important friend to Santiago during Santiago’s time in Tangier, but he also functions as a cautionary case of someone who has become complacent and given up the pursuit of his Personal Legend. Moreover Santiago is An adventurous young Andalusian shepherd determined to fulfill his Personal Legend, which is to find a treasure at the foot of the Egyptian pyramids. He is the book's protagonist. While the merchant is A struggling merchant who owns a crystal shop on top of a desolate hill. His shop was once popular but lost much of its business as Tangier lost its status as Egypt’s premiere port town. He is a good-hearted, devout Muslim, but has a crippling fear of change.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, The crystal merchant serves as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
friend to Santiago during Santiago’s time in Tangier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
also
functions as a cautionary case of someone who has become complacent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
up the pursuit of his Personal Legend.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
Santiago is An adventurous young Andalusian shepherd determined to fulfill his Personal Legend, which is to find a treasure at the foot of the Egyptian pyramids. He is the book's protagonist.

“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the merchant is A struggling merchant who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
a crystal shop on top of a desolate hill. His shop was once popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lost much of its business as Tangier lost its status as Egypt’s premiere port town. He is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-hearted, devout Muslim,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has a crippling fear of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
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IELTS essay 1. Read the following extract, then write PEEL paragraph describing what are the differences between the merchant and Santiago character, after that refer to the dream theme and the symbolism of the desert. Not less than 150.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
125 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • 1.Read the following extract, then write PEEL paragraph describing what are the differences between the merchant and Santiago character, after that refer to the dream theme and the symbolism of the desert. Not less than 150.