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Some people believe that the developing nations should focus more on the primary needs of the citizens. Other, however, think that more money should be diverted for space research and defence system. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that the developing nations should focus more on the primary needs of the citizens. Other, however, think that more money should be diverted for space research and defence system. KwVa9
While a group of people suggests that the third world country should take care first the basic needs of their citizen by allocating extra money to it, others defend it with the importance of space research and armed force. To begin with the primary needs, there are several reasons why some people are finding this idea so important. Firstly, to build the better community with the help of basic needs of people, in particular food, water and medicines. If the developing nation can not spare enough budget on it, there will be a number of concequences, such as an increasing ratio of crime, and pandemic dieseases. Another reason is, to improve the econmy of the nation by spending more money on the primary education. The educated people will involve more in the job and business, and will participate in enhancing the tax fund. For example, India had a huge ratio of illitrate people few decades ago, but now thing has been changed with the help of rules and funding from the government to the public schools. However, at the other side, a group of people, who defended such thought, generally focuses on country’s protection and development in a number of ways. One of the main factor is to enhance the level of current technology by space research. This can be benefitial to different sectors. For instance, the range of communication industry will be increase. Another factor is to protect from the terrorist group. In order to secure the long border around the country, every nation requires a huge number of soldiers and their arm equipments, which needs a lot of fund to allocate, byt the government. In conclusion, whereas a developing nation has responsiblity to focus on basic needs for living and earning, as well as securing his country from outside attackers and improving their technology resources. I believe, as a growing country, they should acquire statistics of different area’s first and then need to divide the propotion of fund accordingly.
While a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggests that the third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should take care
first
the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of their citizen by allocating extra money to it, others defend it with the importance of space research and armed force.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, there are several reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are finding this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Firstly
, to build the better community with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
in particular
food, water and medicines. If the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
can not spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
budget on it, there will be a number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
concequences
, such as an increasing ratio of crime, and pandemic
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieseases
. Another reason is, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
econmy
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
by spending more money on the primary education. The educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will involve more in the job and business, and will participate in enhancing the tax fund.
For example
, India had a huge ratio of
Possible spelling mistake found.
illitrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
few decades ago,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
thing has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and funding from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to the public schools.

However
, at the other side, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who defended such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
generally
focuses on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
protection and development in a number of ways. One of the main factor is to enhance the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
technology by space research. This can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitial
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors.
For instance
, the range of communication industry will be increase. Another factor is to protect from the terrorist group. In order to secure the long border around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
requires a huge number of soldiers and their arm equipments, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fund to allocate,
Possible spelling mistake found.
byt
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, whereas a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
has
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
to focus on basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
for living and earning,
as well
as securing his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
from outside attackers and improving their technology resources. I believe, as a growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they should acquire statistics of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
area’s
first
and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to divide the
Possible spelling mistake found.
propotion
of fund
accordingly
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that the developing nations should focus more on the primary needs of the citizens. Other, however, think that more money should be diverted for space research and defence system.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some people believe that the developing nations should focus more on the primary needs of the citizens. Other, however, think that more money should be diverted for space research and defence system. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.