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Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time .this can benefit teenagers and the community as well..to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. this can benefit teenagers and the community as well. . 8Oek
It is argued by some individuals that adults should do some community work without any cost in their leisure time as it is beneficial for both teenagers and society as well. While i accept the apparent advantages of this. I believe that there are some drawbacks of it. To begin with the agreement viewpoint, it is good option for teenagers to provide service as a volunteer in free time for society. This is due to the fact that adults are at their crucial lifepoint because in that stage they have to enter in their youth lifestyle. If they do some society work, they come to know more about society as well as they become more responsible and careful. For instance, teenagers of Japan are found to be more respectful towards their elders owing to their community work. Moreover, in teen age adults are more likely to indulge in bad company. If the keep themselves busy in their service towards community there are less chance for them to go on wrong path and they save themselves from ruin their future. On the other hand, if teenagers provide free service to society they begin to think that it is wastage of time for them. At that time, in their leisure time they start taking rest and keep away from work schedule which is not fruitful for their later life stage. They like to remain idle in free time. In conclusion, although it is not beneficial to do work free of cost by adults in free time, but in my opinion they should do work for society, so they become more responsible. Also, i believe that elders should encourage them for community service.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without any cost in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as it is beneficial for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as well
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
accept the apparent advantages of this. I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of it. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the agreement viewpoint, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
as a volunteer in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are at their crucial
Possible spelling mistake found.
lifepoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in that stage they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
enter in their youth lifestyle. If they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as well
as they become more responsible and careful.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
of Japan
are found
to be more respectful towards their elders owing to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Moreover
, in
This word is normally spelled as one.
teen age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are more likely to indulge in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves busy in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
there are less chance for them to go on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
path and
they save themselves from ruin their future.
On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for them. At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
taking rest and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
schedule which is not fruitful for their later life stage. They like to remain idle in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In conclusion
, although it is not beneficial to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of cost by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion they should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they become more responsible.
Also
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that elders should encourage them for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. this can benefit teenagers and the community as well. .

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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