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Some people believe that Technology such as mobile phones, cell phones are destroying social interaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people believe that Technology such as mobile phones, cell phones are destroying social interaction. v. 5
In recent years, with the advancement in technology of mobile phones and cell phones, many people think that face to face interaction between masses has been reducing day by day. I completely agree with the notion because they can talk as well as send messages through it. To commence with, social distancing has increased significantly due to technological devices such as mobile phones and cell phones because people can share information by talking through these devices. Besides, they can interact with anyone by sitting in their homes, so they need not travel any distance. For example, in a recent survey conducted by TRAI, it is found that the number of phone calls has increased substantially as compared to the past, that is sixty percent. In other words, talking through them has increased, thus the reduction in personal interaction. Moreover, there are several applications have developed through which they can do messaging and even can make video calls. Further, they can create groups in the applications, and they can add their friends and family members to do group chatting and video calling. For instance, WhatsApp is one of the most famous applications that people use to interact with their friends and family members. They can not only send messages but also make video calls with the help of it. Thereby they hardly connect with their peers personally. To summarise, the technology has been destroying the social interaction among people as they can talk and chat through these devices. In my opinion, social interaction has reduced due to technology.
In recent years, with the advancement in technology of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that face to face interaction between masses has been reducing day by day. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can talk
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
it.

To commence with, social distancing has increased
significantly
due to technological devices such as mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share information by talking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
these devices.
Besides
, they can interact with anyone by sitting in their homes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need not travel any distance.
For example
, in a recent survey conducted by
Possible spelling mistake found.
TRAI
, it
is found
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
calls has increased
substantially
as compared to the past,
that is
sixty percent.
In other words
, talking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
them has increased,
thus
the reduction in personal interaction.

Moreover
, there are several applications have developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
which they can
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go messaging".
do messaging
and even can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
video calls.
Further
, they can create groups in the applications, and they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
their friends and family members to do group chatting and video calling.
For instance
, WhatsApp is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
applications that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to interact with their friends and family members. They can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
video calls with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of it. Thereby they hardly connect with their peers
personally
.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, the technology has been destroying the social interaction among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they can talk and chat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
these devices. In my opinion, social interaction has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to technology.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that Technology such as mobile phones, cell phones are destroying social interaction. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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