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Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. Do you agree or disagree? v.6

Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. v. 6
It is true that governments fund huge sums on public occasions such as national holidays and public festivals. Nevertheless, some people claim that these budgets ought to be utilized for the sake of insuring beneficial services. I strongly agree with this idea, as I believe that education and healthcare facilities are crucial factors for a decent life. Firstly, education is the bedrock for a developed country, and a well-educated nation will always thrive for ultimate excellence. To begin with, many countries around the globe lack public education institutes. Therefore, many pupils drop off from schools and colleges at an early age due to their expensive fees, and in order to support their families financially. For this reason, governments should use money from national budgets to establish public schools and universities, and bring up an educated generation. This was evidenced in a recent research conducted at the ”Ministry of Education” in Ghana, ensuring that the percentage of students, who left school increased by 30% over the past 20 years. Secondly, it is the right of citizens to have free healthcare services. It is commonly known that people pay a lot taxes for the governments, so as a result, it is their responsibility to provide high standards of free hospitals and nursing. Furthermore, a healthy population will always boost the economic growth of a country. To illustrate, in a government report, it was stated that in areas where there are good health facilities, the economic sector was witnessing a rise in the revenues. In conclusion, it is indisputable that governments spend large amounts of money on celebrations. However, I believe they must specialize part of this finance to supply societies with free education and health care services, in order for them to have a convenient life.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
fund huge sums on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
occasions such as national holidays and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
festivals.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that these budgets ought to
be utilized
for the sake of insuring beneficial services. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, as I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and healthcare facilities are crucial factors for a decent life.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the bedrock for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
, and a well-educated nation will always thrive for ultimate excellence. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the globe lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
institutes.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pupils drop off from schools and colleges at an early age due to their expensive fees, and in order to support their families
financially
.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
money from national budgets to establish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
schools and universities, and bring up an educated generation. This
was evidenced
in a recent research conducted at the
There should be a space after a closing quote.
”Ministry
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education”
in Ghana, ensuring that the percentage of students, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
school increased by 30% over the past 20 years.

Secondly
, it is the right of citizens to have free healthcare services. It is
commonly
known that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
pay
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of taxes"?
a lot taxes
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as a result
, it is their responsibility to provide high standards of free hospitals and nursing.
Furthermore
, a healthy population will always boost the economic growth of a country. To illustrate, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
report, it
was stated
that in areas where there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health facilities, the economic sector was witnessing a rise in the revenues.

In conclusion
, it is indisputable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
spend large amounts of money on celebrations.
However
, I believe they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
specialize part of this finance to supply societies with free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and health care services, in order for them to have a convenient life.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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