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Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Becoming more social through the up-to-date technology seemingly is far away from the truth. Socializing is fading under the shade of small-sized cell phones' screens, social networks and meetings simulating soft wares as well as computerized games. People do not miss their beloved ones, feel an urgent to hold meetings in person and consequently live their life all alone. As far as I believe, being social is defined as an umbrella term covering basics such as establishing strong relationships with friends and colleagues of your own by holding frequent in person gatherings what is lost nowadays, with thanks to the technology. Today, our communication fundamentals are limited to see our friends and relatives living just a stone throw away from us through the screens and to meet our coworkers out of the office without having our previous morning greetings and conversations. Talking about nothing but job topics is all we do nowadays. On the other side, pupils at the age of learning how to be social have been largely affected by computer games as the improper substitution of traditional ones. Spending hours sitting behind the desk and just typing with keyboard and staring at the screen is all they experience which has nothing to do with their future responsibility taking ability and nurturing their face to face communicating talent. All in all, the more technology smoothly penetrates in our lives, the less we miss each other, from our immediate family to our neighbors! Moreover, our legacies, growing children, are turning into more pro-gamers than experts in social behaviors. As of the time technology began to change our social life, human being started becoming more and more isolated.
Becoming more
social
through the up-to-date
technology
seemingly
is far away from the truth. Socializing is fading under the shade of
small
-sized cell phones' screens,
social
networks and meetings simulating soft wares
as well
as computerized games.
People
do not miss their beloved ones, feel an urgent to hold meetings in person and
consequently
live
their life all alone.

As far as I believe, being
social
is defined
as an umbrella term covering basics such as establishing strong relationships with friends and colleagues of your
own
by holding frequent in person gatherings what
is lost
nowadays, with thanks to the
technology
.
Today
, our communication fundamentals
are limited
to
see
our friends and relatives living
just
a stone throw away from us through the screens and to
meet
our coworkers out of the office without having our previous morning greetings and conversations. Talking about nothing
but
job topics is all we do nowadays.

On the other side, pupils at the age of learning how to be
social
have been
largely
affected
by computer games as the improper substitution of traditional ones. Spending hours sitting behind the desk and
just
typing with keyboard and staring at the screen is all they experience which has nothing to do with their future responsibility taking ability and nurturing their face to face communicating talent.

All in all, the more
technology
smoothly
penetrates in our
lives
, the less we miss each other, from our immediate family to our neighbors!
Moreover
, our legacies, growing children, are turning into more pro-gamers than experts in
social
behaviors. As of the time
technology
began to
change
our
social
life, human being
started
becoming more and more isolated.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that technology has made man more social. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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