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Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people believe that technology has made man more social. with this opinion? BpVw
In the world where we live technology grows rapidly. However, evidence show that it can make our life easier, but I completely disagree with this point of view that technology has made people social. In the following sentences I will discuss it. Firstly, as huminitic scientists have mentioned, people are naturally social. Furthermore, they like to have connection to each other. Moreover, all languages in the world have been created for this purpose because people needed to make communication in their daily life. Then sociality is not an educating skill but a congenital one, in contrast technology itself caused limitation in social life, for instance, a lot of people do not make an appointment to meet each other, because they can ask about the others by telephone or email. In addition, nowadays people spend their time with mobile phones instead of talking with their parents and siblings. Secondly, a scientific research shows that amount of people with psychological problems as well as sense of loneliness has been increased in the last decade beside progressing the technology. According to WHO reports in 2018 there was about 250 million people around the world who were suffering from a sociopsychological problem connected by technology, that have experienced 20 percent rise in comparison with 2016. However, we cannot ignore the role of technology in our life but as we discussed people are naturally social and technology made a big gap between them. On the other hand, findings explained that, in last 10 years some social problems has been increased beside progress of technology. Then, they indicated that technology can not make people more social.
In the world where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
grows
rapidly
.
However
, evidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I completely disagree with this point of view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
. In the following sentences I will discuss it.

Firstly
, as
Possible spelling mistake found.
huminitic
scientists have mentioned,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
naturally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
.
Furthermore
, they like to have connection to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Moreover
, all languages in the world have
been created
for this purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
needed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
communication in their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Then
Possible spelling mistake found.
sociality
is not an educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a congenital one,
in contrast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
itself caused limitation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an appointment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can ask about the others by telephone or email.
In addition
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their time with mobile phones
instead
of talking with their parents and siblings.

Secondly
, a scientific research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with psychological problems
as well
as sense of loneliness has
been increased
in the last decade beside progressing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. According to WHO reports in 2018 there was about 250 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world who were suffering from a
Possible spelling mistake found.
sociopsychological
problem connected by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, that have experienced 20 percent rise
in comparison
with 2016.

However
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as we discussed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
naturally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
made a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
gap between them. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, findings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
that, in last 10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems has
been increased
beside progress of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Then, they indicated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that technology has made man more social. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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