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Some people believe that team sports prepare children for their future careers while others do not agree.

Some people believe that team sports prepare children for their future careers while others do not agree. 2PKXA
In the salad day of millennium, the society is polarized into two groups equally regarding the notion that team sports will help to prepare the children for future whereas other believe that such contribution don not have any advantages. Different people have distinct mindset. The following paragraph would shed light on both the approaches before making the finale note. To commence with the first notion, there are myriad things to be shared in its favor. First and foremost, with the help of team sport it will teaches the student or children about team work, which is extremely beneficial for the success of future. In the up coming days, if children work in companies or offices where they become leader then they need to monitor their colleagues and in such situation knowledge or capability to lead a team is extremely essential for a leader. Therefore, if such idea or lesson are already present on them it will contribute to becomes a great leader. Moreover, such talent assist any individual to grasp their dream job because nowadays, organization seek those employees who have leading capacity or who can show adequate direction to their fellows. Shifting towards the school of second thoughts, there are numerous activities which are significant than compared to such tasks. While most importantly in this cutting edge era, pupils should teach about management of money which might be advantageous in the future because in the future they need to manage funds. So if such value lesson are render to the, in the early phase of life it will definitely boost their confident level as well as teach them the value of money in initial stage. For example; there are a wide range of young individual who spend money in unnecessary activities such as drug due to the fact of having deficiency value or pivotal of capital which later have detrimental impact on life. That's why, school or parents should teaches a good and important chapter of life since childhood days. To conclusion, I believe that team sport have also vital role to make future bright. However, instead of team sport kids should be priority to other valuable skills like computer skill, time management, finance management and so on.
In the salad day of millennium, the society
is polarized
into two groups
equally
regarding the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to prepare the children for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
whereas other believe that such contribution
Did you mean "do not"?
don not
have any advantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have distinct mindset. The following paragraph would shed light on both the approaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making the finale note.

To commence with the
first
notion, there are myriad things to
be shared
in its favor.
First
and foremost, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "teach"
teaches
the student or children about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
work, which is
extremely
beneficial for the success of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. In the up coming days, if children work in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or offices where they become leader then they need to monitor their colleagues and in such situation knowledge or capability to lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
is
extremely
essential for a leader.
Therefore
, if such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
or lesson are already present on them it will contribute to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "become".
becomes
a great leader.
Moreover
, such talent assist any individual to grasp their dream job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays, organization seek those employees who have leading capacity or who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
adequate direction to their fellows.

Shifting towards the school of second thoughts, there are numerous activities which are
Use "(significant)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
significant
than compared to such tasks. While most
importantly
in this cutting edge era, pupils should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
about management of money which might be advantageous in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
they need to manage funds.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if such value lesson are render to
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the,
in the early phase of life it will definitely boost their confident level
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them the value of money in initial stage.
For example
; there are a wide range of young individual who spend money in unnecessary activities such as drug due to the fact of having deficiency value or pivotal of capital which later have detrimental impact on life. That's why, school or parents should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "teach"
teaches
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
chapter of life since childhood days.

To conclusion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
have
also
vital role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
bright.
However
,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
kids should be priority to other valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, time management, finance management and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that team sports prepare children for their future careers while others do not agree.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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