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Some people believe that team sports are very important for children to succeed in their career, others disagree? v. 2

Many people think that sports which are based on teamwork, are very significant for children in order to be successful in their careers, whereas others disagree with this idea. As well as giving my opinion, this essay will discuss why group sports are entirely important for children’s future job prospects, and why these sports may be considered as insignificant. On the one hand, there are people who think that group sports play an important role in children’s career prospects. The main reason of this is that teamwork skills have become a necessity in the job market, and this skill can be improved by attending group sports. If children do not learn teamwork skills, it will be difficult to find a job for them, which can be satisfactory, in the future. For instance, big companies more prefer employing graduates which have cooperation skills. Another reason is that it is thought that children can improve their academic performance if they can learn how to cooperate with each other. To illustrate, studies have revealed that children who attend team sports such as football, basketball, and volleyball on a regular basis, perform better in collective assignments in school than those who don’t prefer attending team sports. In turn, they get more chance to enter into top universities. Therefore, team sports are notably important in their future job prospects. On the one hand, some people believe that sports which are based on cooperation are not important at all in children’s career. So, why do these people hold this opinion? The main reason of this may be that they believe that competitive sports are more important than team sports. For example, small businesses expect competitive skills from graduates these days because the job market has become competitive over a few decades. However, education experts suggest that competitive sports promote aggressive behaviours among children, and aggressive personalities will hardly find jobs who are paid high salaries. Thus, these people think that team sports are not important because the job market is fiercely competitive. In conclusion, the fact that team sports are very significant or not is increasingly a discussion topic among individuals. This essay discussed why team sports are totally important, and why they may be unimportant in a few situations. In my opinion, team sports are completely important because children can effortlessly be more successful in their career in the future.

IELTS essay Some people believe that team sports are very important for children to succeed in their career, others disagree? Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Many
people
think
that
sports
which
are based
on teamwork, are
very
significant for
children
in order to be successful in their
careers
, whereas others disagree with this
idea
.
As well
as giving my opinion, this essay will discuss why group
sports
are
entirely
important
for
children’s
future
job
prospects, and why these
sports
may
be considered
as insignificant. On the one hand, there are
people
who
think
that group
sports
play an
important
role in
children’s
career
prospects. The main reason of this is that teamwork
skills
have become a necessity in the
job
market, and this
skill
can be
improved
by attending group
sports
. If
children
do not learn teamwork
skills
, it will be difficult to find a
job
for them, which can be satisfactory, in the
future
.
For instance
,
big
companies
more prefer employing graduates which have cooperation
skills
. Another reason is that it is
thought
that
children
can
improve
their academic performance if they can learn how to cooperate with each other. To illustrate, studies have revealed that
children
who
attend
team
sports
such as football, basketball, and volleyball on a regular basis, perform better in collective assignments in school than those
who
don’t prefer attending
team
sports
. In turn, they
get
more chance to enter into top universities.
Therefore
,
team
sports
are
notably
important
in their
future
job
prospects. On the one hand,
some
people
believe that
sports
which
are based
on cooperation are not
important
at all in
children’s
career
.
So
, why do these
people
hold this opinion? The main reason of this may be that they believe that
competitive
sports
are more
important
than
team
sports
.
For example
,
small
businesses
expect
competitive
skills
from graduates these days
because
the
job
market has become
competitive
over a few decades.
However
, education experts suggest that
competitive
sports
promote aggressive
behaviours
among
children
, and aggressive personalities will hardly find
jobs
who
are paid
high salaries.
Thus
, these
people
think
that
team
sports
are not
important
because
the
job
market is
fiercely
competitive.
In conclusion
, the fact that
team
sports
are
very
significant or not is
increasingly
a discussion topic among individuals. This essay discussed why
team
sports
are
totally
important
, and why they may be unimportant in a few situations. In my opinion,
team
sports
are completely
important
because
children
can
effortlessly
be more successful in their
career
in the
future
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
74Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Essay
4 paragraphs
395 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Band score ≥ 7
  • Band score ≤ 6
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