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Some people believe that spread of multinational companies and globalisation benefits the humans . Discuss and give your opinion

Some people believe that spread of multinational companies and globalisation benefits the humans. Discuss and give your opinion qkjAp
In this modernised era, technology plays a vital role. Which helps in development of industries. However, many people believe that development of multinational and globalisation companies produce the positive result for everybody. In the crumb of my writing. I shall discuss its both positive and negative impacts and give appropriate points to strengthen my views. To begin with, according to some aspects of masses the spread of multinational and globlisation corporation gives the positive result as it helps in development of a country. However, it provides employment opportunities to people. Which helps to overcome from unemployment issue. Also, it helps in poverty reduction as well. For example, if these types of industries build up then, they definitely need labour to preform their work. Which will provide employment to people. As a result, the economy of a country will rise. In addition, in these types of companies people perform many task on international level. Which helps them to improve their cognitive skills. Furthermore, there is also a negative impact of these corporations. Firstly, it disturb the overall environment. As a result, ozone layer is depleting. Which may cause many diseases. For instance, in Australia due to ozone depletion many people suffer from skin cancer. To conclude, it is clearly seen that it has both positive as well as negatives. Hence, these industries should be build in a limited number. So, that it can provide positive outcome with a less harm.
In this
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
era, technology plays a vital role.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in development of industries.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that development of multinational and
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
produce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
for everybody. In the crumb of my writing. I shall discuss its both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts and give appropriate points to strengthen my views. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects of masses the spread of multinational and
Possible spelling mistake found.
globlisation
corporation gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in development of a country.
However
, it provides employment opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to overcome from unemployment issue.
Also
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in poverty reduction
as well
.
For example
, if these types of industries build up then, they definitely need
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
to preform their work.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
will provide employment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
, the economy of a country will rise.
In addition
, in these types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
task on international level.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Furthermore
, there is
also
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of these corporations.
Firstly
, it
Did you mean "disturbs"?
disturb
the
overall
environment. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
, ozone layer is depleting. Which may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases.
For instance
, in Australia due to ozone depletion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from skin cancer.
To conclude
, it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that it has both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
negatives.
Hence
, these industries should be build in a limited number.
“So , that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, that
it can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
outcome with a less harm.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that spread of multinational companies and globalisation benefits the humans. Discuss and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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