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It's becoming more and more popular for students to study abroad in a different country, while others stay in their home country to study. Compare and contrast the benefits of these types of study. Use specific reasons and examples.

It's becoming more and more popular for students to study abroad in a different country, while others stay in their home country to study. Compare and contrast the benefits of these types of study. Use specific reasons and examples. 26Bm6
Students in many nations around the world advocate to study aboard in more develp countery or other countery than a home countery. Their reason is to get a job apportunity and earning more money. Actually this will increase the quality of the life accoringly. While, others hold their openion to stay a home and study in their countery. Both have some advantages and drawbacks. Generally, education gives people more skills and qualification to get job. Also, it aims to teach students a moral value. For instance, sharing and tolerance. Accordingly many people advocate to travel to study in a board due to it is benefits. Firstly, studying aboard students became more open-minded. Secondly, they learn how to tolerate in different cultures and expend their horizons. Thirdly, their future is extended to advance level and this is a worth consideration. Fourthly, they can learn a new language. On other hand, studying aboard has some drawbacks and subseqently some people prefer to stady in home country. As the family is the priority for some of people, so if they travel to study in oversea countries they get depression and this will effect in their mental health dramatically. It is undeniable that some parents prohibt their sons to go overseas because this will effect in their son's culture or religion. Furthermore, develop counteries are more expensive than home countery as the students must pay for renting and their electricity bills. Moreover, some stories of crime death of scholarship students effect on opoinion of parents. In conclusion, , studying in high rank university under highly qualified doctors will stunn the students appotunity to become a qualified and genius. I hold my openion with studying aborad because the advantages overweight the drawbacks. And the education is the priority in circumstances.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations around the world advocate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
aboard in more
Possible spelling mistake found.
develp
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countery
or other
Possible spelling mistake found.
countery
than a home
Possible spelling mistake found.
countery
. Their reason is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
Possible spelling mistake found.
apportunity
and earning more money. Actually this will increase the quality of the life
Possible spelling mistake found.
accoringly
. While, others hold their
Possible spelling mistake found.
openion
to stay a home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
countery
. Both have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and drawbacks.

Generally
, education gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and qualification to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job.
Also
, it aims to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a moral value.
For instance
, sharing and tolerance.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Accordingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocate to travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in a board due to it is benefits.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
aboard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
became more open-minded.
Secondly
, they learn how to tolerate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and expend their horizons.
Thirdly
, their future
is extended
to advance level and this is a worth consideration.
Fourthly
, they can learn a new language.

On other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
aboard has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks and
Possible spelling mistake found.
subseqently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
Possible spelling mistake found.
stady
in home country. As the family is the priority for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in oversea countries they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depression and this will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
in their mental health
dramatically
. It is undeniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents
Possible spelling mistake found.
prohibt
their sons to go overseas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
in their son's culture or religion.
Furthermore
, develop
Possible spelling mistake found.
counteries
are more expensive than home
Possible spelling mistake found.
countery
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay for renting and their electricity bills.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stories of crime death of scholarship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
effect on
Possible spelling mistake found.
opoinion
of parents.

In conclusion
,
Two consecutive commas
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in high rank university under
highly
qualified doctors will
Possible spelling mistake found.
stunn
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Possible spelling mistake found.
appotunity
to become a qualified and genius. I hold my
Possible spelling mistake found.
openion
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
Possible spelling mistake found.
aborad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the advantages overweight the drawbacks. And the education is the priority in circumstances.
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IELTS essay It's becoming more and more popular for students to study abroad in a different country, while others stay in their home country to study. Compare and contrast the benefits of these types of study. Use specific reasons and examples.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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