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At Present, The Population Of Some Countries Include A Relatively Large Number Of Young Adults

At Present, The Population Of Some Countries Include A Relatively Large Number Of Young Adults pXjly
There is a general idea, that nowadays, the society of some nations have been involving more young adults rather than elderly people. In my opinion, merits is overweighing demerits, which leads society to the further progress. According to the ancient diaries and records, the average of lifespan of our ancestors was not long, it was only 30 years old due to extremely low standard of living. However, nowadays, especially in developed countries, the lifespan almost reaching 80-90 age group. Hence, older people need being cared by such facilities as medical system, including nurses, drugs, surguries, and the most significant factor is being provided y sustainable pension, which means that in current situation goverment is not supposed to go past, thus is being required to focus on finding balance in subsidies to the salaries of employees and pensions. Therefore, I believe that countries, comprising more young adults, compared with elderly people, can achieve higher outcomes in shorter period on account of economic development, which implyes also social development, denoting well-being of pension system. In conclusion, in my point of view, society, which comprises a relatively large number of young adults rather than older people, tends to be happier, richer, healthier, more productive and successful, proving that it is definetely has more advantages than drawbacks for social and economical situation in country.
There is a general
idea
, that nowadays, the society of
some
nations have been involving more young adults
rather
than elderly
people
. In my opinion, merits is
overweighing
demerits, which leads society to the
further
progress.

According to the ancient diaries and records, the average of lifespan of our ancestors was not long, it was
only
30 years
old
due to
extremely
low standard of living.
However
, nowadays,
especially
in
developed countries
, the lifespan almost reaching 80-90 age group.
Hence
, older
people
need
being cared
by such facilities as medical system, including nurses, drugs,
surguries
, and the most significant factor is
being provided
y sustainable pension, which means that in
current
situation
goverment
is not supposed to go past,
thus
is
being required
to focus on finding balance in subsidies to the salaries of employees and pensions.
Therefore
, I believe that countries, comprising more young adults, compared with elderly
people
, can achieve higher outcomes in shorter period on account of economic development, which
implyes
also
social development, denoting well-being of pension system.
In conclusion
, in my point of view, society, which comprises a
relatively
large number of young adults
rather
than older
people
, tends to be happier, richer, healthier, more productive and successful, proving that it is
definetely
has more advantages than drawbacks for social and
economical
situation in country.
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IELTS essay At Present, The Population Of Some Countries Include A Relatively Large Number Of Young Adults

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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