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Some people believe that sports is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people believe that sports is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion v. 1
Some people are of the view that sports should be compulsory for children in school while others argue that sports should be voluntary. This essay will explore both views and it will advocate my support for voluntary sporting activities for children in school On the one hand, proponents of compulsory sports in school argue that it promote the health of young ones. This is because regular physical activities reduce childhood obesity and thus prevent health complications associated with obesity. Moreover, physical exercises will be in bribed in these young ones as they grow to become healthy teenagers and adults. Although children could participate in sports at home, many parents are busy and thus, they do not ensure their children participate in sports at home. Without regular physical exercises, many children will be obese and they may fall sick often. I however disagree with this view. On the other hand, compulsory physical exercises in schools will impair on the education of children. This is because children will have less time to learn in classroom since the time spent in school will be shared between academic pursuits and sports. For example in Nigeria, many children spend an average of six hours daily in school, but if sports is made compulsory, they will spend less time in the classroom and this will result in poor academic performance for many children. Thus, I am of the opinion that sports should be made compulsory for children in school. In conclusion, although children that participate regularly in sports in school are more healthy, I am of the view that sports should be made voluntary for children in schools so that their education is not impaired.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
while others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be voluntary. This essay will explore both views and it will advocate my support for voluntary sporting activities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in school

On the one hand, proponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
argue that it promote the health of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
childhood obesity and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
health complications associated with obesity.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises will be
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in bribed in
these young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
as they grow to become healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and adults. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents are busy and
thus
, they do not ensure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at home. Without regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
obese and
they may fall sick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
. I
however
disagree with this view.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will impair on the education of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have less time to learn in classroom since the time spent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will
be shared
between academic pursuits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For example
in Nigeria,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend an average of six hours daily in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
, they will spend less time in the classroom and this will result in poor academic performance for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in school.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that participate
regularly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are more healthy, I am of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be made
voluntary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their education is not impaired.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that sports is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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