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Some people believe that social networks bring people together while others think that they often made people feel lonely

Some people believe that social networks bring people together while others think that they often made people feel lonely o8aLw
With the advance in technology, social networks site, for instance Facebook, are believed by many in bringing people together. However, the others believe that the presence of these sites sometimes make people feel empty. Despite of the disadvantages, I do believe that these sites have done a great job in connecting people. First of all, many advantages could be list out when using social networks. These platforms have changed the methods whereby people use to communicate with the others. We now have extremely convenient tools in getting to know people from around the world. People can also share their feelings or memorable occasions with the other throughout Facebook. With the advancement of technology and social networking, we are now able to connect with friends or family who live miles away from us. Moreover, these platforms offer creating of groups through which people and individuals can initiate a discussion or share their views with different users who share the same interests. On the other hand, not every user can easily make new friends on social networks for some certain reason. For instance, seniors are the most negatively affected group as they couldn’t catch up with the times. As a result, the elderly will get no attention from their beloved. Furthermore, not every user can easily make new friends on the internet. They find it struggle to find someone who share the same interests. Also, not every “friends” on social networks is real. What people need is someone who can be on their side when needed most. In conclusion, although social networks are believed to make people feel lonely. I strongly agree that social networks have brought us certain of advantages in connecting people. Moreover, more efforts should be put towards the social network in order to promote a friendly environment
With the advance in technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
site,
for instance
Facebook,
are believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
in bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
However
, the others believe that the presence of these sites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel empty.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the disadvantages, I do believe that these sites have done a great job in connecting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages could be list out when using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
. These platforms have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the methods whereby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
communicate with the others. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have
extremely
convenient tools in getting to know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from around the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their feelings or memorable occasions with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
throughout Facebook. With the advancement of technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking, we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
or family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
miles away from us.
Moreover
, these platforms offer creating of groups through which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and individuals can initiate a discussion or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their views with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
users
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
the same interests.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, not every user can
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain reason.
For instance
, seniors are the most
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
group as they couldn’t catch up with the times.
As a result
, the elderly will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
no attention from their beloved.
Furthermore
, not every user can
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
on the internet. They find it struggle to find someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
the same interests.
Also
, not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“friends”
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
is real. What
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need is someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can be on their side when needed most.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
are believed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel lonely. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
have brought us certain of advantages in connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, more efforts should
be put
towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
in order to promote a friendly environment
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IELTS essay Some people believe that social networks bring people together while others think that they often made people feel lonely

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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