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Some people believe that reading stories from e-book better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people believe that reading stories from e-book better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 3
In the modern world, many people are willing to accomplish their purposes, and to be a successful person. In this reason, some parents claimed that reading online book is beneficial for the teenagers as well as for the children. However, others feel that it is essential not overload the children with such kinds of scientific research or novels. Personally, I believe that if the parents are willing to raise their children correctly, they should teach them how to be a well-behaved person. On the one hand, it is true that the main reason why parents, especially younger ones, are keen to teach their offspring to read and write is to motivate them to be an ambitious individual, as if they learn these abilities and skills, they can reach their goals and purposes easily. Furthermore, some of them reckon to think that if the child learn these things at his/her young age, they can develop other abilities and talents when they get older. For example, the kid who was good at mathematics, can develop his/her communication skill when he/she get older. On the other hand, it is clear that some families think differently. They believe that in order to develop the children’s skills and mindset, they should give them a freedom. Moreover, the things such as video games and TV shows can help them to develop their ability to work under the stress and to progress their critical thinking. To illustrate, while the gamers play the computer games, they are supposed to take decisions more quickly, and this capability can be beneficial for them in the future life. In conclusion, although many people reckon to think that the young generation should be tough to read and write at their young age, others feel that it is crucial to give them a freedom and independence. However, personally, I believe that they should tough such kinds of skills, if they want to be a successful person.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are willing to accomplish their purposes, and to be a successful person. In this reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents claimed that reading online book is beneficial for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
as well
as for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, others feel that it is essential not overload the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with such kinds of scientific research or novels.
Personally
, I believe that if the parents are willing to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
correctly
, they should teach them how to be a well-behaved person.

On the one hand, it is true that the main reason why parents,
especially
younger ones, are keen to teach their offspring to read and write is to motivate them to be an ambitious individual, as if they learn these abilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, they can reach their goals and purposes
easily
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them reckon to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if the child learn these things at his/her young age, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
abilities and talents when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older.
For example
, the kid who was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at mathematics, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
his/her communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
when he/she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
. They believe that in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and mindset, they should give them
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "freedom".
a freedom
.
Moreover
, the things such as video games and TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
their ability to work under the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and to progress their critical thinking. To illustrate, while the gamers play the computer games, they
are supposed
to take decisions more
quickly
, and this capability can be beneficial for them in the future life.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reckon to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the young generation should be tough to read and write at their young age, others feel that it is crucial to give them a freedom and independence.
However
,
personally
, I believe that they should tough such kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, if they want to be a successful person.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe that reading stories from e-book better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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