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Some people believe that playing team sports helps children succeed in their future career, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that playing team sports helps children succeed in their future career, while others disagree. WOjb
Nowadays, there is a fierce debate on whether participating in team sports helps teenagers to succeed in their future. Some people assert that improvement in children’s teamwork will benefit young teenagers in the future. Whereas others believe that this would not necessarily be the case for every circumstance. This essay will discuss both sides of the opinions. On the one hand, some people believe that team sports could be very aggressive and dangerous for children. With a strong desire to win matches, some children might fail to control themselves. This will make young people much more aggressive and be unsportsmanlike. This could be very dangerous for them, as it might cause them serious injuries such as fracture, and concussion which could affect children for their entire life. For example, fracture will not only affect their appearance since they need to get surgery, but it also might limit them from making a certain pose due to the pain or trauma. On the other hand, others suggest that the advantage outweighs disadvantages of playing team sports since they are young. First of all, playing team sports allows children to improve their teamwork and various skills. In every team sport, every individual has to work as a team to achieve their common or individuals’ goal. Thus, they need to talk to each other sharing their perspective, and learn how to respect other people. These skills will be critical when they start working with their colleagues in their future career, since efficiency and productivity could be easily improved by having these skills. On top of this, team sports can teach young children that sometimes they need to sacristy themselves to achieve their targets. Based on my experience, in football matches, I had to limit my movement and stick with my position, so that as a team we could achieve our big goal of winning the game. In this similar situation, numerous children will learn how to accept that their freedom or wants could be limited. This will be very helpful for them since they will be much more likely to work well as a part of the team. To conclude, disadvantages of playing team games in the young age are noticeable, but its advantages such as learning numerous skills are much significant. Thus, I personally think that parents should encourage their children to take a part in team sports.
Nowadays, there is a fierce debate on whether participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to succeed in their future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
teamwork will benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in the future. Whereas others believe that this would not
necessarily
be the case for every circumstance. This essay will discuss both sides of the opinions.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
aggressive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. With a strong desire to win matches,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might fail to control themselves. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
much more aggressive and be unsportsmanlike. This could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for them, as it might cause them serious injuries such as fracture, and concussion which could affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for their entire life.
For example
, fracture will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect their appearance since they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
surgery,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
might limit them from making a certain pose due to the pain or trauma.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others suggest that the advantage outweighs disadvantages of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
since they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their teamwork and various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. In every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, every individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
work as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
to achieve their common or individuals’ goal.
Thus
, they need to talk to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sharing their perspective, and learn how to respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will be critical when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working with their colleagues in their future career, since efficiency and productivity could be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by having these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. On top of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they need to sacristy themselves to achieve their targets. Based on my experience, in football matches, I had to limit my movement and stick with my position,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
we could achieve our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
goal of winning the game. In this similar situation, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn how to accept that their freedom or wants could
be limited
. This will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for them since they will be much more likely to work well as a part of the team.

To conclude
, disadvantages of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
games in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age are noticeable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its advantages such as learning numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are much significant.
Thus
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that parents should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take a part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that playing team sports helps children succeed in their future career, while others disagree.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
395 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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