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Around the world more and more people today are living in urban areas. Why is this? What problems does this cause?

Around the world more and more people today are living in urban areas. Why is this? What problems does this cause? GOgB
In today's world, a lot of people have begun to prefer living in urban areas and this has led to a variety of different consequences. Firstly, this essay will discuss the convenience of living in a city as the main reason of such a choice and, secondly, it will analyse a harmful impact on health as the major demerit of this approach. On the one hand, a larger part of the population lives in industrial cities since it makes their life more comfortable. This is because all important places are located in the city, including work, shops where citizens can purchase all the necessities and space for leisure activities. As a result, living in a flat gives a person opportunities not to waste their time on useless moving since the majority of crucial for life places can be found near their accommodation. For instance, a recent study has shown that on average it takes about 2 hours to get from a countryside area to the center. On the other hand, this change might lead to some problems, namely related to a health condition and immune system. This is due to the fact that in industrial cities there is a significant amount of pollution and a lot of emissions are thrown into the atmosphere. Therefore, citizens breath in harmful components and it might influence the condition of their lungs. For example, research conducted in Ukraine illustrates that children who live in urban areas have a 30% higher predisposition to various diseases related to the lungs. To conclude, a larger part of society moved to urban areas since it simplifies their life and makes it more convenient due to the fact that everything can be found in a city. However, in a long run, this type of life could increase risks of health problems because of a high level of pollution.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have begun to prefer living in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and this has led to a variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
consequences.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss the convenience of living in a city as the main reason of such a choice and,
secondly
, it will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
a harmful impact on health as the major demerit of this approach.

On the one hand, a larger part of the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more comfortable. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
places
are located
in the city, including work, shops where citizens can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
all the necessities and space for leisure activities.
As a result
, living in a flat gives a person opportunities not to waste their time on useless moving since the majority of crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
places can
be found
near their accommodation.
For instance
, a recent study has shown that on average it takes about 2 hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from a countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
to the center.

On the other hand
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
might lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems,
namely
related to a health condition and immune system.
This is due to the fact that
in industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
there is a significant amount of pollution and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
emissions
are thrown
into the atmosphere.
Therefore
, citizens breath in harmful components and it might influence the condition of their lungs.
For example
, research conducted in Ukraine illustrates that children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
have a 30% higher predisposition to various diseases related to the lungs.

To conclude
, a larger part of society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
since it simplifies their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it more convenient due to the fact that everything can
be found
in a city.
However
, in a long run, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
could increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of health problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a high level of pollution.

IELTS essay Around the world more and more people today are living in urban areas. Why is this? What problems does this cause?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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