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Although countries with long working hours are economically successful, this often has some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Although countries with long working hours are economically successful, this often has some negative social consequences. AXow
Commencing with the first notion that is why long working hours have drawbacks. The first and foremost is that this is not beneficial for employees. Because they completely get busy in doing work for organization so they cannot work in effective way and, forgot about their family. They cannot give time to their family which have further drawbacks that their children choose wrong path. Because there is no one to look after their children and they usually stop studying. Another thing is that by working for longer hours employees goes under stress which put major impact on their body therefore they face several diseases in future. Moving towards the other part of debate that is working for longer hours is beneficial for employees as well as a company. Firstly, employees earn enough money for their children and life. So that they are able to buy anything which they want and they live better quality of life. The same thing is for company that by opening there shops for longer time they get more money. Secondly, employees gain more knowledge about a particular work that by doing the same work they become more creative. For example, in recent time farmers invent the machines which help in process of picking fruits and vegetables. So that human brain is more creative when they do a single work for longer time. In conclusion, by analysing the above mention information it is clear that working for longer hours have major drawbacks for employees. But, there is also benefits for employees and organisations that they earn more money by open there shops for longer time.
Commencing with the
first
notion
that is
why long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
have drawbacks. The
first
and foremost is that this is not beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
busy in doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for organization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in effective way and, forgot about their family. They cannot give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their family which have
further
drawbacks that their children choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there is no one to look after their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
studying. Another thing is that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
goes under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which put major impact on their body
therefore
they face several diseases
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Moving towards the other part of debate
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as well
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for their children and life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything which they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
want and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better quality of life. The same thing is for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that by opening there shops for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more money.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
gain more knowledge about a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that by doing the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they become more creative.
For example
, in recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
farmers invent the machines which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in process of picking fruits and vegetables.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that human brain is more creative when they do a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In conclusion
, by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the above mention information it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
have major drawbacks for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there is
also
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisations
that they earn more money by open there shops for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
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IELTS essay Although countries with long working hours are economically successful, this often has some negative social consequences.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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