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Some people believe that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others believe there are other factors. v.2

Some people believe that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others believe there are other factors. v. 2
There is a perspective that being wealthy has a direct relation with personal happiness. Another side thinks that it is not enough reason to gain happines. This essay will argue both of views. To begin with, money fulfill people' s basic requirement of life. A person does not need to think hardly about how to buy food, where he will live or how to pay a doctor if he was sick. To be noted, those worriness usually drive people to a depression. Moreover, a wealth gives physical comfort in a life. For example, a person who owns car does not need to walk to a station for working or feel the hot of sunlight. Somehow, personally I believe that dollars only a tool to reach happiness through physical ease. A happines contains deeper meaning than that. A person who usually going by airplane will not feel it as a luxuriness anymore. The satifaction feeling will be decreased. The economical value of wealth will only stand for a while. This is why, for being happy, a person needs more than treasures. He needs something that will stand longer. For instance, love of family. The warm hug of mom will touch deeper through his heart. This is why it has no expired time. Mother' s love will flow forever. Another example, when somebody does his passion in life. This will make him happy, because he does it by love not a pressure. Based on those reasons, I absolutely believe that money is a direct tool to reach a joy, but only for a moment. Also, it is only small part of full pleased feeling. The bigger part of person' s feeling only can be filled with love.
There is a perspective that being wealthy has a direct relation with personal happiness. Another side
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
reason to gain
Possible spelling mistake found.
happines
. This essay will argue both of views.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, money fulfill
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s basic requirement of life. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
hardly about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food, where he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or how to pay a doctor if he was sick. To
be noted
, those
Possible spelling mistake found.
worriness
usually
drive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to a depression.
Moreover
, a wealth gives physical comfort in a life.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to walk to a station for working or feel
The phrase 'the hot of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the hot of
sunlight.

Somehow,
personally
I believe that dollars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a tool to reach happiness through physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. A
Possible spelling mistake found.
happines
contains deeper meaning than that. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who
usually
going by airplane will not feel it as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
luxuriness
anymore. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
satifaction
feeling will
be decreased
. The economical value of wealth will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
stand for a while.

This is why, for being happy, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
more than treasures. He
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
something that will stand longer.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
of family. The warm hug of mom will touch deeper through his heart. This is why it has no expired time.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mother&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
will flow forever. Another example, when somebody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
his passion in life. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him happy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
it by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
not a pressure.

Based on those reasons, I
absolutely
believe that money is a direct tool to reach a joy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for a moment.
Also
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
part of full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
feeling. The bigger part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s feeling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
can
be filled
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others believe there are other factors. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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