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Central and local government make a frantic attempt to promote festivals to create a lot of revenue. Some people think this money should be invested in social programs for the poor. v.3

Central and local government make a frantic attempt to promote festivals to create a lot of revenue. Some people think this money should be invested in social programs for the poor. v. 3
Nowadays, governments make a great deal of money via promoting festivals. However, the issue of how and where governments should spend this revenue is still widely debated, with some people claiming that is should be invested in embarking on welfare services for poor members of society. Personally, I entirely accept this, and will explain why in this essay. Firstly, we have to consider that poverty is a universal problem that affects every nation on earth_ both rich and poor. For example, in African countries, we see a flood of emigrants leaving their poor nations to find better highly paid jobs with high-quality working conditions as well as better quality of life in wealthy countries. This phenomenon causes a very real threat to both destination countries and countries of origin in terms of crime and losing human capital, respectively. Furthermore, low-income households and high-income families living within a country are influenced negatively by increased poverty rates as well. In this case, the impoverished may engage in criminal acts such as kidnappings and burglaries to survive. Therefore, poverty leads to serious consequences for not only deprived but also wealthy. A further reason to support this idea is the development aspect. For a society to make progress, not only does it need investors but also it needs productive and responsible workers. Most of the impoverished are potentially valuable members who seek opportunity to lift themselves and their families out of poverty. By providing them with welfare-type programs such as social protection systems, vulnerable families can become productive members of society. In fact, if such safety net programs are well-designed and implemented, they can powerfully enhance human capital and productivity, reduce inequalities and end the inter-generational cycle of poverty. As a result, such government welfare programs give impoverished individuals a chance to climb out of poverty and boost shared prosperity among society citizens. To conclude, I feel that investing the revenue in welfare programs such as cash assistance programs and social safety net programs for people living below the poverty level should be governments' main priority. If these social programs are implemented wisely, it would alleviate poverty and reduce inequality in society, which in turn brings about permanent happiness to the whole members of society, unlike festivals which make people experience temporary joy.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great deal of money via promoting festivals.
However
, the issue of how and where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should spend this revenue is
still
widely
debated, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claiming that
Did you mean "it"?
is
should
be invested
in embarking on welfare services for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Personally
, I
entirely
accept this, and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay.

Firstly
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
is a universal problem that affects every nation on earth_ both rich and poor.
For example
, in African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a flood of emigrants leaving their poor nations to find better
highly
paid jobs with high-quality working conditions
as well
as better quality of life in wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This phenomenon causes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
real threat to both destination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of origin in terms of crime and losing human capital,
respectively
.
Furthermore
, low-income households and high-income families living within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are influenced
negatively
by increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
rates
as well
.
In this case
, the impoverished may engage in criminal acts such as kidnappings and burglaries to survive.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
leads to serious consequences for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
deprived
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
wealthy.

A
further
reason to support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is the development aspect. For a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it need investors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it needs productive and responsible workers. Most of the impoverished are
potentially
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
who seek opportunity to lift themselves and their families out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. By providing them with welfare-type
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
such as social protection systems, vulnerable families can become productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In fact, if such safety net
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are well-designed and implemented, they can
powerfully
enhance human capital and productivity,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
inequalities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
the inter-generational cycle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
As a result
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
give impoverished individuals a chance to climb out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and boost shared prosperity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
citizens.

To conclude
, I feel that investing the revenue in welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
such as cash assistance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and social safety net
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living below the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
level should be
Possible spelling mistake found.
governments&
#039; main priority. If these social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are implemented
wisely
, it would alleviate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
inequality in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, which in turn brings about permanent happiness to the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, unlike festivals which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
experience temporary joy.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Central and local government make a frantic attempt to promote festivals to create a lot of revenue. Some people think this money should be invested in social programs for the poor. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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