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Some people believe that people with a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that people contributing to society (e.g scientists, teachers, etc.) are the most successful. Discuss both views.

Some people believe that people with a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that people contributing to society (e. g scientists, teachers, etc. ) are the most successful. NmKoq
It is often argued that individuals with a lot of funds are the most accomplished med. while others disagree and think the humans who provide a contribution to society. . will get more success in their life. This essay agrees that the do community engagement of people such as scientists, teachers, and so on are the most victorious. It is clear that Individuals who are contributing to society's knowledge, education, and health care are playing a strong role. Moreover, it is thanks to such people that a country can overcome all difficulties and develop more and more. This has proven that they are potential human resources for a country. COVID 19 is a prime example, without doctors and nurses working day and night, it would be impossible to reduce the number of people getting sick and dying every day. In addition, people working in STEM, education, and medical fields are also contributing to creating motivation for future generations to follow. Especially the teachers who have been using their knowledge and passion to spread the knowledge. The most obvious example in the current world situation is when teachers are constantly teaching online so that generations of students can always access new things. All of them have succeeded in their own careers, their lives. However, there are still many people who think that people with status and money will be more successful. For me, they will be successful if they know how to use that money well. And based on that, people with a lot of money may achieve success, but not more than people who are successful in their contributions to society. In short, though there are mixed opinions as to which of these two groups will achieve more success. I still believe that those who are dedicated day and night will not only succeed in material but also in their spirit.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that individuals with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
funds are the most accomplished med.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
others disagree and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
provide a contribution to society.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more success in their life. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'do' is correct. If 'do' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the do
community engagement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as scientists, teachers, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on are the most victorious.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that Individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are contributing to society's knowledge, education, and health care are playing a strong role.
Moreover
, it is thanks to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that a country can overcome all difficulties and develop more and more. This has proven that they are potential human resources for a country.
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
COVID 19
is a prime example, without doctors and nurses working day and night, it would be impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting sick and dying every day.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in STEM, education, and medical fields are
also
contributing to creating motivation for future generations to follow.
Especially
the teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have been using their knowledge and passion to spread the knowledge. The most obvious example in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world situation is when teachers are
constantly
teaching online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that generations of students can always access new things. All of them have succeeded in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
careers, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

However
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with status and money will be more successful. For me, they will be successful if they know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that money well. And based on that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money may achieve success,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are successful in their contributions to society.

In short, though there
are mixed
opinions as to which of these two groups will achieve more success. I
still
believe that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are dedicated
day and night will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
succeed in material
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in their spirit.
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Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that people with a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that people contributing to society (e. g scientists, teachers, etc. ) are the most successful.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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