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Some people believe that people who play video games are learning important life skills. Others believe that video game players are wasting their time. Which view do you agree with and why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v.1

Some people believe that people who play video games are learning important life skills. Others believe that video game players are wasting their time. Which view do you agree with and why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1
In many countries, they tend to use a common language and that is the English language. Almost every country, people is using English apart from their native language. Some people and include I think that the life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. Firstly, using common language is having a plenty of advantages, such as we can easily communicate with international friends, understand clearly each others what they want or just simply know what are they trying to say. In study, it is better that using common language and every single one will understand what is the lecturer trying to teach. For example, if each one of the students in the class uses different language to communicate, definitely no one can understand each others and from that make a misunderstanding. Therefore, using common language is so important. Secondly, students can just study one or a few simple languages, but not so much, that can help students put down the pressure level in their studies journey. However, for the country, if the language of that country dies out, it is so dangerous as in politics, that country will be attacked easier. For instance, in politics, if they are using a same language, the opponents will also understand what are they planning and the opponents will avoid it. Therefore, they will win the battle. It is the biggest problem of being used just one language, but not a native language. Language is being made from the culture of a country and also by passing many thousand years, if the country dies out their language is also considered as being loss the country. In conclusions, to a certain extend I agree that the fewer language is, the lesser pressure that students have as they do not need to study so much. It's undeniable that people over the world would understand each other with a better version.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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countries
, they tend to
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use
a
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common
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language
and
that is
the English
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language
. Almost every
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country
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
using English apart from their native
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language
.
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Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and include I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the life will be easier if there are fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in the world.

Firstly
, using
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common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of advantages, such as we can
easily
communicate with international friends,
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understand
clearly
each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
what they want or
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just
simply
know what are they trying to say. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, it is better that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and every single one will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
what is the lecturer trying to teach.
For example
, if each one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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language
to communicate, definitely no one can
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understand
each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
and from that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a misunderstanding.
Therefore
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
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language
is
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so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Secondly
,
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students
can
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just
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study
one or a few simple
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languages
,
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but
not
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so
much, that can
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help
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students
put down the pressure level in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
journey.

However
, for the
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country
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
out, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
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dangerous
as in politics, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
be attacked
easier.
For instance
, in politics, if they are using a same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, the opponents will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
what are they planning and the opponents will avoid it.
Therefore
, they will win the battle. It is the biggest problem of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one
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language
,
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but
not a native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Language
is
being made
from the culture of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
also
by passing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
thousand years, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
out their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
also
considered as being loss the country.

In conclusions, to a certain
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is, the lesser pressure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have as they do not need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much. It's undeniable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over the world would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
each other with a better version.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that people who play video games are learning important life skills. Others believe that video game players are wasting their time. Which view do you agree with and why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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