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Some people believe that parents should be responsible for encouraging their children to take regular exercise .Others argue that the main responsibility for encouraging students to do so should lie with schools. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that parents should be responsible for encouraging their children to take regular exercise. Others argue that the main responsibility for encouraging students to do so should lie with schools. 2lQRx
The debate over a child's physical activities has caused controversy and become a matter of concern for many. Experts throughout the developed and developing countries have claimed that families' duty is to motivate offspring to participate in daily physical exercise while others believe that school should be the one to be responsible for. Personally, I strongly advocate the former view. This essay will shed light on both viewpoints in further paragraphs before providing the final judgment. To embark on, in the justification of my notion, it can be stated that, parents are the closest and most efficient advisors towards every child, young kids usually take their folks as their ideal role models. Hence, with the proper parental guidance and motivation, offspring will be willing to get involved in healthy activities. This is mainly because, during these formative years, young minds are more likely to be influenced by the action of family members, then attempt to imitate them and be a copycat. Consequently, it can be emphasized that parents and family play an important role in forming a child's physical habit. On the other hand, the significance of schools should not be undermined. Schools are expected to produce an immense pool of active individuals by adding more PE classes to the syllabus as well as hosting sports competitive events, which require our kids to oppose each other. As a result, their sportsmanship is enhanced considerably along with their well-being. Resultantly, since pupils spend the most time at school, the principal should take also take the responsibility for their physical activities into great consideration. In brief, albeit schools and family members can provide equal motivation regarding exercising on a daily basis of a child, parents are undoubtedly the most effective voice towards their children.
The debate over a child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities has caused controversy and become a matter of concern for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. Experts throughout the developed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
have claimed that families' duty is to motivate offspring to participate in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should be the one to be responsible for.
Personally
, I
strongly
advocate the former view. This essay will shed light on both viewpoints in
further
paragraphs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
providing the final judgment.

To embark on, in the justification of my notion, it can
be stated
that, parents are the closest and most efficient advisors towards every child, young kids
usually
take their folks as their ideal role models.
Hence
, with the proper parental guidance and motivation, offspring will be willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in healthy activities. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, during these formative years, young minds are more likely to
be influenced
by the action of family members, then attempt to imitate them and be a copycat.
Consequently
, it can
be emphasized
that parents and family play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in forming a child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
habit.

On the other hand
, the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should not
be undermined
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to produce an immense pool of active individuals by adding more PE classes to the syllabus
as well
as hosting sports competitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, which require our kids to oppose each other.
As a result
, their sportsmanship
is enhanced
considerably
along with their well-being.
Resultantly
, since pupils spend the most time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, the principal should take
also
take the responsibility for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities into great consideration.

In brief
, albeit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and family members can provide equal motivation regarding exercising on a daily basis of a child, parents are
undoubtedly
the most effective voice towards their children.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that parents should be responsible for encouraging their children to take regular exercise. Others argue that the main responsibility for encouraging students to do so should lie with schools.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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