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Children are facing problems from education, social and commercial perspectives. What are causes behind and give some major solution

Children are facing problems from education, social and commercial perspectives. What are causes behind and give some major solution VQKw7
Education plays a vital role to achieve dreams. At present era, children are facing more stress from education, social and commercial perspectives. Here, I will explain causes of this problem and give some possible solutions in further paragraphs. To begin with, there is an abundance of the reasons behind why day by day disciples are faced many challenges, which related to education. The prime one is felt more burden of study method. To elaborate, Nowadays, the process of teaching is going to complex day by day and variety of subjects are involved in primary school. Additionally, At the early age, students have not enough capable power to handle all those courses. Hence, it may have lead to depression and put them in dilemma. For example, The New York Magazine reveals that 50 percent of infants have faced mental illnesses because of education burden has released the worst impact on them. Secondly, there are other two aspects which are social and commercial. These aspects are also played a crucial inning to put adolescent in troubles because they are avoided by society for not achieving success in their life. Some time citizens did sarcasm to make feel guilt them and realized them, they will do nothing in their life. Consequently, it may have made more chance to committed suicide, while society ignore us. For instance, The Times of India exposes that the citizen of Syria has denied to acknowledge by the world that is made them criminal. On the other hand, there are a plethora of solutions how to do overcome from this situation. Parents have a play precious role to make their children good human beings. Moreover, parents are taught them moral value and importance of life ethics, which makes them excellent citizens. Additionally, mentors are contributing their efforts towards the children and will make them sharper and knowledgeable, which they can use to amend the world. For example, the government of Japan has decided to give all valuable lessons to their children, which makes them good citizens. To conclude, Every circumstance has two sides, but it depends on a person's tendency and capability how they use it. I recommended the authorities of respective countries should focus on education and upbringing, it will make them more aware and fearless.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
plays a vital role to achieve dreams. At present era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are facing more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, social and commercial perspectives. Here, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
causes of this problem and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions in
further
paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is an abundance of the reasons behind why day by day disciples
are faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges, which related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. The prime one
is felt
more burden of study method. To elaborate, Nowadays, the process of teaching is going to complex day by day and variety of subjects
are involved
in primary school.
Additionally
, At the early age, students have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
capable power to handle all those courses.
Hence
, it may have lead to depression and put them in dilemma.
For example
, The New York Magazine reveals that 50 percent of infants have faced mental illnesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
burden has released the worst impact on them.

Secondly
, there are other two aspects which are social and commercial. These aspects are
also
played a crucial inning to put adolescent in troubles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are avoided
by society for not achieving success in their life.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
time citizens did sarcasm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
feel guilt them and realized them, they will do nothing in their life.
Consequently
, it may have made more chance to committed suicide, while society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
us.
For instance
, The Times of India exposes that the citizen of Syria has
The verb 'denied' is used with the gerund form: "denied acknowledging".
denied to acknowledge
by the world that
is made
them criminal.

On the other hand
, there are a plethora of solutions how to do overcome from this situation. Parents have a play precious role to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human beings.
Moreover
, parents
are taught
them moral value and importance of life ethics, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them excellent citizens.
Additionally
, mentors are contributing their efforts towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them sharper and knowledgeable, which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to amend the world.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Japan has decided to give all valuable lessons to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens.

To conclude
, Every circumstance has two sides,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it depends on a person's tendency and capability how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it. I recommended the authorities of respective countries should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and upbringing, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them more aware and fearless.
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IELTS essay Children are facing problems from education, social and commercial perspectives. What are causes behind and give some major solution

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
378 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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