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Some people believe that only pupils of similar interests should be given admissions in schools. Others are of the opinions that schools should be open to all children with varied interests. How far you agree or disagree with the above views. Give your opinion in not less than 250 words.

Some people believe that only pupils of similar interests should be given admissions in schools. Others are of the opinions that schools should be open to all children with varied interests. How far you agree or disagree with the above views. Give your opinion in not less than 250 words. aJedo
It is a true fact that education plays a vital role in every individual's life which is necessary for their holistic growth. Although, many claim that education institutions should provide admissions to those of having interests similar to each other, I think in a reverse manner and strongly disagree to the given statement. The reasons for my belief will be elaborated in ensuing paragraphs. Out of all the arguments, the strongest one to prove my point is, if schools will start enrolling learners on the basis of similar interest then not everyone will receive chance to get an admission. Due to this, the illiteracy rate will increase dramatically which will further leads to unemployment. As per the survey conducted by an education body in suburbs near Maharashtra in India in 2007 reveals that, 80℅ of labour workers did not get admissions in schools due to different interest areas. As a result, their education level is low as compared to the rest of the areas. Additionally, it is rightly said that, pupils learn many aspects from their peer. Therefore, if schools enroll students of same interest then learners will not get opportunity to acquire something innovative. Which is why, they will become vulnerable to encounter challenges which further not only make them less competitive but also reduce their confidence level. As per the research conducted in schools by Harbhajan sports club, Punjab in 2017, proves that education Institutes with likewise interest areas have 60℅ less successful results in academics as well. To conclude, I restate my opinion that their should be no biased admissions on the basis of interest areas. Thus, by enrolling children having varied interests will uplifts the overall development of a nation as well as its natives.
It is a true fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a vital role in every individual's life which is necessary for their holistic growth. Although,
Possible agreement error. The noun claim seems to be countable; consider using: "many claims".
many claim
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
institutions should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admissions
to those of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
similar to each other, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Consider replacing "in a reverse manner" with the adverb for "reverse"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a reverse manner
and
strongly
disagree to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. The reasons for my belief will
be elaborated
in ensuing paragraphs.

Out of all the arguments, the strongest one to prove my point is, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
enrolling learners on the basis of similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
then not everyone will receive chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
. Due to this, the illiteracy rate will increase
dramatically
which will
further
leads to unemployment. As per the survey conducted by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
body in suburbs near Maharashtra in India in 2007 reveals that, 80℅ of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
workers did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admissions
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
areas.
As a result
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
level is low as compared to the rest of the areas.

Additionally
, it is
rightly
said that, pupils learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects from their peer.
Therefore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
enroll students of same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
then learners will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opportunity to acquire something innovative. Which is why, they will become vulnerable to encounter challenges which
further
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them less competitive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their confidence level. As per the research conducted in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Harbhajan
sports club, Punjab in 2017, proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
Institutes with
likewise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
areas have 60℅ less successful results in academics
as well
.

To conclude
, I restate my opinion that
Did you mean "there"?
their
should be no biased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admissions
on the basis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
areas.
Thus
, by enrolling children having varied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
will uplifts the
overall
development of a nation
as well
as its natives.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that only pupils of similar interests should be given admissions in schools. Others are of the opinions that schools should be open to all children with varied interests. How far you agree or disagree with the above views. Give your opinion in not less than 250 words.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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