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some people believe that music can bring people together

some people believe that music can bring people together MrEnL
Music is everywhere nowadays, on social medias, television at the movie theatre. It is a part of our everyday life. Some believe it is a practical way of bringing people of different cultures and generations together. Is it really a great way to bring people together? Music is not always the best way to bring persons from different ages together as they probably don’t have the same music taste, for example older ones listening to classic compositors won’t understand the interest of the youth in Rap music. It may not be a good way to bring people from different cultures together as listening to music from another culture could be seen as cultural appropriation. But on the other hand, music can be an excellent way to help people accept each other and creating strong links between people from different places around the globe. For example, going to the church in the USA and listening to gospel as a Caucasian man is a great way to understand the happiness and the love shared by the Afro-American communities. Also discovering new kinds of music and sharing music tastes with other generations will surely create links between generations and bring people together. Also, nowadays people love to meet each other while going to festivals night clubs and concerts where music is an important part of the entertainment which help people to socialize while enjoying the same music. To sum up I am persuaded that music is one of the greatest ways to help everyone accept each other differences. It is a tool used by many to help people moving forward and bringing people from different worlds together.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is everywhere nowadays, on social medias, television at the movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. It is a part of our everyday life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe it is a practical way of bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and generations together. Is it
really
a great way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together?

Music is not always the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
persons from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ages together as they
probably
don’t have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
taste,
for example
older ones listening to classic compositors won’t understand the interest of the youth in Rap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. It may not be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures together as listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from another culture could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as cultural appropriation.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be an excellent way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accept each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and creating strong links between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
places around the globe.
For example
, going to the church in the USA and listening to gospel as a Caucasian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is a great way to understand the happiness and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
shared by the Afro-American communities.
Also
discovering new kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
tastes with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
generations will
surely
create links between generations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
Also
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
while going to festivals night clubs and concerts where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the entertainment which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to socialize while enjoying the same music.

To sum up I
am persuaded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the greatest ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
everyone accept each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
differences. It is a tool
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moving forward and bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
worlds together.
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Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay some people believe that music can bring people together

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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