Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that museums should represent the cultures and civilizations of all nations while some others believe museums should introduce the culture and civilization of their own country. Which side do you agree with? Express your reasons. v.2

Some people believe that museums should represent the cultures and civilizations of all nations while some others believe museums should introduce the culture and civilization of their own country. Which side do you agree with? Express your reasons. v. 2
There has been always a debate whether the national culture and history behind a country should show in the museums or they should be an indicator of other cultures and civilizations. Although, I agree that it is important to represents our own culture in the museum, I don' t think attracting people with the other cultures in our museums is valueless. This essay will discuss this issue using examples to demonstrate points. On the one hand, representing a nation culture and history of each country is beneficial for society. Showing a worthwhile heritage of a nation from their ancestors can be a symbol for today’s people to preserve what obtained from the past. For example, when they look at the materials from 1000 years ago, they will think unconsciously about the past; endeavors of prior people, their difficult lives, and huge problems on those days then thank god for living in these days with many facilities. Therefore, it is apparent that providing national culture museums is useful and aware of all nations to their national capital. However, this does not mean that museums should completely neglect illustrating the civilization of other nations. Representing the historical material and culture of each country in the museums can be attractive for people to be familiar with the other cultures without traveling and spending a lot of budget. For instance, they can pay a few charges to entrance the museums and enjoy visiting various cultures from all around the world coincide it, the government can improve its revenue by attracting more people to improve income from museums. To sum up, although there are clear benefits of introducing our rich culture to our people, I cannot concede that the other culture will not be attractive for our people and the government ignores incoming money. In future, I believe that people and government should consider using both in the museums.
There has been always a debate whether the national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and history behind a country should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in the
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
museums or
they should be an indicator of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and civilizations. Although, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to represents our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
attracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is valueless. This essay will discuss this issue using examples to demonstrate points.

On the one hand, representing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and history of each country is beneficial for society. Showing a worthwhile heritage of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
from their ancestors can be a symbol for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to preserve what obtained from the past.
For example
, when they look at the materials from 1000 years ago, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
unconsciously
about the past; endeavors of prior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, their difficult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and huge problems on those days then thank god for living in these days with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities.
Therefore
, it is apparent that providing national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is useful and aware of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to their national capital.

However
, this does not mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should completely neglect illustrating the civilization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. Representing the historical material and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of each country in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can be attractive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be familiar with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
without traveling and spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
budget.
For instance
, they can pay a few charges to entrance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and enjoy visiting various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
from all around the world coincide it, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
its revenue by attracting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
income from museums.

To sum up, although there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
benefits of introducing our rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I cannot concede that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
will not be attractive for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignores
incoming money.
Did you mean: "In the future"?
In future
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should consider using both in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that museums should represent the cultures and civilizations of all nations while some others believe museums should introduce the culture and civilization of their own country. Which side do you agree with? Express your reasons. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts