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Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people claim that money is the most impressive element of gaining cheerfulness. However, others think the opposite. From my perspective, fund is one the most essential requirement of our daily life in this material world. Meanwhile I strongly believe that its existence is not adequate to be joyful. The following essay takes a look at both sides of argument and the general conclusion obtained. On the one hand, people who have sufficient cash, may feel happier since they have self-esteem and self-confidence. At the same time, every human has had a job or plan to earn budget for making a living. As an evidence, a family could not be formed if you had no money to prepare a home, to feed your family members and etc. likewise, having a strong spirit and peace of mind is fundamental to be glad. For instance, a father can't stand when his child doesn’t have what he wants and it makes the father disturbed. Furthermore, without having certain amount of money, the whole family has to work and the remained time is not sufficient to devote each other. Unfortunately, this can ruin the family satisfaction. On the other hand, there are numerous objects around you that could make you feeling awesome but, cost nothing. As a result, love is one of those objects that could not be bought by cash. The same goes for truly friend and family. Also if you have less finance, you have less worries. So being rich is not the solely reason to live happily but, the most priorities. Besides, it takes so much time to make no end coins. Accordingly to be a satisfied deep pocket who cares about the happiness of his family, you should have the ability of devoting your time to both, earning money and use it to create enjoyment. All things considered to say money can bring everything yet, nothing can be brought by it. This means that having finance is crucial for attaining pleasure, but not sufficient. Likewise, its absence doesn't complete happiness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most impressive element of gaining cheerfulness.

However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the opposite. From my perspective, fund is
Did you mean “one of”?
one
the most
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
essential


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
requirement
of our daily life in this material world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
I
strongly
believe that
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
its


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
existence
is not adequate to be joyful. The following essay takes a look at both sides
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
of


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
argument
and the general conclusion obtained.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have sufficient cash, may feel happier since they have self-esteem

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
and
self-confidence. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, every human has had a job or plan to earn budget
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
for


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
making
a living. As an evidence, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
could not
be formed
if you had no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
prepare


a home, to feed your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
Write the name of the item after ‘and’ or use only “etc”.
and etc
.
likewise
, having a strong spirit and peace of

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
mind
is fundamental to be glad.
For instance
, a father can't stand when his child doesn’t
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
have


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
what
he wants and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the father disturbed.
Furthermore
, without having certain amount

of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
work and the remained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is not sufficient to devote each

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
other
. Unfortunately, this can ruin the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
satisfaction.

On the other hand
, there are numerous objects around you that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you feeling

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
awesome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, cost nothing.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
is one of those objects that could not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
by


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
cash
. The same goes for
truly
friend and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
if you have less finance, you have
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
less


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
worries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
being rich is not the
You used an adverb (‘solely’) instead of an adjective, or a noun (‘reason’) instead of another adjective.
solely reason
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the most priorities.
Besides
,

it takes
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so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
coins.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Accordingly
to be a satisfied deep pocket
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
who


cares about the happiness of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, you should have the ability of devoting your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
both
, earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to create enjoyment.

All things
The verb ‘considered’ is used with the gerund form: “considered saying”.
considered to say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can bring everything
yet
, nothing can
be brought
by it.

This means that having finance is crucial for attaining pleasure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not sufficient.
Likewise
,

its absence doesn't complete happiness.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
23 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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