Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that money is more important than spending leisure time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that money is more important than spending leisure time. 0MNg3
It is often argued by several individuals whether abundant finance is more expedient than leisure time or not. I, however, assert that people should not negotiate with spending time for themselves which endows umpteen benefits ranging from self - introspection and keeping away from stress-related issues. On the one hand, prioritizing to have surplus money than time has risen to numerous reasons. Primarily, financial stability can be benefitted people to enjoy rudimentary needs. To elaborate it, with the assistance of money, one can purchase needy products. Besides this, monetary benefits is integarl and have more promising result, since it becomes accessible for a person to ensure the education and health of their loved ones. To exemplify, Mukesh Ambanj, a prominent billionaire of India devote 18 hours per day for his work to empower his posterity. Thus, having more assets have long term merits making people to favour it more than time for selves. On the other hand, despite of preferring to have more wealth, substantial number of inhabitants believe that people should have more time than their income as they can devote quality time with their closed ones not only it would nourish their relationship but also minimize the conflict rates and relationship dispute. In addition to it, unlike this, if a person sits for longer hours for work, it may be adversely impact to their health causing depressed and anxiety disorder. A report surveyed by Employee Satisfaction agency stated that more than 46% people are recorded for suffering from mental disorder because of the extra burden if their works. To conclude, even though having more income could be beneficial in numerous ways, yet I asset that maximum time needs to be devoted for better mental and physical health.
It is
often
argued by several individuals whether abundant finance is more expedient than leisure
time
or not. I,
however
, assert that
people
should not negotiate with spending
time
for themselves which endows umpteen benefits ranging from self
-
introspection and keeping away from
stress
-related issues.

On the one hand, prioritizing to have surplus money than
time
has risen to numerous reasons.
Primarily
, financial stability can be
benefitted
people
to enjoy rudimentary needs. To elaborate it, with the assistance of money, one can
purchase
needy products.
Besides
this, monetary benefits is
integarl
and have more promising result, since it becomes accessible for a person to ensure the education and health of their
loved
ones
. To exemplify, Mukesh
Ambanj
, a prominent billionaire of India devote 18 hours per day for his work to empower his posterity.
Thus
, having more assets have long term merits making
people
to
favour
it more than
time
for selves.

On the other hand
,
despite of
preferring to have more wealth, substantial number of inhabitants believe that
people
should have more
time
than their income as they can devote quality
time
with their closed
ones
not
only
it would nourish their relationship
but
also
minimize the conflict rates and relationship dispute.
In addition
to it, unlike this, if a person sits for longer hours for work, it may be
adversely
impact to their health causing depressed and anxiety disorder. A report surveyed by Employee Satisfaction agency stated that more than 46%
people
are recorded
for suffering from mental disorder
because
of the extra burden if their works.

To conclude
,
even though
having more income could be beneficial in numerous ways,
yet
I asset
that maximum
time
needs to
be devoted
for better mental and physical health.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people believe that money is more important than spending leisure time.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts