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Some people believe that money can never buy happiness. Others, however, often put great emphasis on materials and possessions. They believe that money would make them happier in life. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that money can never buy happiness. Others, however, often put great emphasis on materials and possessions. They believe that money would make them happier in life. What is your opinion? gbqAL
It is a fact that money is greatly a controversial topic in this day and age. Some critics strongly believe it can bring people a sense of happiness and prosperity whereas others claim that money basically plays a supporting role in their life. In this essay, I will opine my personal standpoint that materials and possession are simply tools for bettering our standard of living because of a wide range of equally vital factors. To begin with, unquestionably, family is considered to be the most important thing in human life since people can not deny the meaningful values of having one. Although family is a simple word, it consists of a huge amount of love, tolerance and empathy among members. Consequently, we no longer copy with loneliness and depression from the hustle and bustle of life when we have our own one who can share difficulties with us. For instance, after a stressful and hard-working day, the experience of coming back home enjoying daily habits with our nuclear family is totally a beautiful moment that money can never do. In addition, it is undeniable that health is one of the most essential elements people are more and more concerned about. Apparently, people can make use of their wealth with the hope to achieve good health conditions, but there are a number of situations in which having money is worthless. A current example is that in this covid-19 pandemic, Vietnam has suffered from the increasing in the number of affections, particularly in HCM City where there are a number of households lost their relatives in this war. Moreover, one scientific evidence shows that people spend a great amount of money just to improve their physical and mental health. From the above-mentioned reasons, I firmly believe that money has never made people happy yet as there are various prominent things that make human life more and more significant.
It is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
greatly
a controversial topic in this day and age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
critics
strongly
believe it can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a sense of happiness and prosperity whereas others claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
basically
plays a supporting role in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In this essay, I will opine my personal standpoint that materials and possession are
simply
tools for bettering our standard of living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a wide range of
equally
vital factors.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
unquestionably
, family
is considered
to be the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not deny the meaningful values of having one. Although family is a simple word, it consists of a huge amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, tolerance and empathy among members.
Consequently
, we no longer copy with loneliness and depression from the hustle and bustle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
when we have our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
one who can share difficulties with us.
For instance
, after a stressful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working day, the experience of coming back home enjoying daily habits with our nuclear family is
totally
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
moment that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can never do.

In addition
, it is undeniable that health is one of the most essential elements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more and more concerned about.
Apparently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their wealth with the hope to achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health conditions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are a number of situations in which having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is worthless. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
example is that in this
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
pandemic, Vietnam has suffered from the increasing in the number of affections,
particularly
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
HCM
City where there are a number of households lost their relatives in this war.
Moreover
, one scientific evidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their physical and mental health.

From the above-mentioned reasons, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has never made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy
yet
as there are various prominent things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more and more significant.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that money can never buy happiness. Others, however, often put great emphasis on materials and possessions. They believe that money would make them happier in life. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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