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Some people believe that online communication can replace real conversation. Discuss both views

Some people believe that online communication can replace real conversation. Discuss both views 5A2BB
The Internet has become one of the most indispensable inventions worldwide whether we use these kinds of digital devices and keep reported whenever we can be situated. Looking at another side of the coin, online communication might not solely replace the real conversation among people that I wish to prove in the period of writing my own essay. In fact, we cannot imagine our advanced life without social media news, particularly during this devastating disease CV-19 which hits the peak in a number of sick patients in India, and of course, we have an addiction to keep in touch in order to have an intensive barrier, vaccine for preventing infection. Moreover, it would be much more beneficial to do online shopping and economy your crucial time instead of improving the possible illness's costs as well as for our living exrenses, but to some extent, we have not got enough cash in order to buy a digital device that is impossible within the Internet to contact online and therefore we can find an easy way to socialize. Although the Internet plays an important role in our life it cannot totally replace single-mindedness with a strengthening of reference. For instance, despite the local opportunities in terms of online working or education, an increasing number of people may be unsatisfied with this method of alignment of affairs. As a result, the government cannot allow it forever and invite employers to work offline in order to give them deserved wages as soon as this deal immediately leads to show the effect on workers in terms of compounding relationship, asynchronously. Anyway, during the long-term quarantine that was the effect of mentioned trouble, anyone comprehends and appreciates common working in groups is better than sitting on the Internet. To sum up briefly, undoubtedly we can be reported consequential news by the Internet and keep contact with people online, but we have to know the Internet-life balance and go out for living expenses and do not get isolated from our real life!
The Internet has become one of the most indispensable inventions worldwide whether we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these kinds of digital devices and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
reported whenever we can
be situated
. Looking at another side of the coin,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communication might not
solely
replace the real conversation among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that I wish to prove in the period of writing my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
essay.

In fact, we cannot imagine our advanced life without social media news,
particularly
during this devastating disease CV-19 which hits the peak in a number of sick patients in India, and
of course
, we have an addiction to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch in order to have an intensive barrier, vaccine for preventing infection.
Moreover
, it would be much more beneficial to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping and economy your crucial time
instead
of improving the possible illness's costs
as well
as for our living
Possible spelling mistake found.
exrenses
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, we have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
cash in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a digital device
that is
impossible within the Internet to contact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and
therefore
we can find an easy way to socialize.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
the Internet plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our life it cannot
totally
replace single-mindedness with a strengthening of reference.
For instance
, despite the local opportunities in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
working or education, an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
be unsatisfied
with this method of alignment of affairs.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
it forever and invite employers to work offline in order to give them deserved wages as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as this deal immediately leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the effect on workers in terms of compounding relationship,
asynchronously
. Anyway, during the long-term quarantine that was the effect of mentioned trouble, anyone comprehends and appreciates common working in groups is better than sitting on the Internet.

To sum up
briefly
,
undoubtedly
we can
be reported
consequential news by the Internet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
contact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know the Internet-life balance and go out for living expenses and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
isolated from our real life!
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IELTS essay Some people believe that online communication can replace real conversation. Discuss both views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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