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Some people believe that many of the problems in today's world are caused by a lack of cultural understanding. What can be done to help people understand cultures which are different from their own? v.1

Some people believe that many of the problems in today's world are caused by a lack of cultural understanding. What can be done to help people understand cultures which are different from their own? v. 1
There are different cultures around the world. In reality, humans all around the world sometimes has a lack of understanding of different cultures. This essay will discuss solutions for people who doesn't know anything about how other humans lives all around the planet. However, People should know more about the variety of everyone traditions and what's right and wrong in their countries and the places that they grow up in. For instance, colleagues and even school mate should be more educated about the variety of people believes and the way the think or wear certain clothes or pray at certain times like Muslims tend to fast a whole month from sunrise to sunset and what it means to them. So their colleagues should respect that, for example, eating in front of them in regard of their feelings, As a result, some Muslims got bullied for fasting the whole morning and attend classes in their holidays. There should be at least a subject about the difference in culture in every spot around the earth or include it in the social studies subject for school explain the difference between people. Also the parent should nature their suns and daughter to respect each one believes. Additionally, There should be a cultural awareness in social media. Moreover it could be so helpful because everyone spent all the time just looking for their phones and checking the social media updates and really support every new friendly trend. In conclusion, young people should be more educated about the subject. And older people should be aware of the difference of the culture around the world and raise their children to respect that.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world. In reality, humans all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
has a lack of understanding of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. This essay will discuss solutions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
doesn
't know anything about how other humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the planet.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should know more about the variety of everyone traditions and what's right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in their countries and the places that they grow up in.
For instance
, colleagues and even school mate should be more educated about the variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes and the way the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
or wear certain clothes or pray at certain times like Muslims tend to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
a whole month from sunrise to sunset and what it means to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
their colleagues should respect that,
for example
, eating in front of them in regard of their feelings,
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Muslims
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
bullied for fasting the whole morning and attend classes in their holidays.

There should be at least a subject about the difference in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in every spot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the earth or include it in the social studies subject for school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the parent should nature their suns and daughter to respect each one believes.
Additionally
, There should be a cultural awareness in social media.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
helpful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone spent all the time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
looking for their phones and checking the social media updates and
really
support every new friendly trend.

In conclusion
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be more educated about the subject. And older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be aware of the difference of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world and raise their children to respect that.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people believe that many of the problems in today's world are caused by a lack of cultural understanding. What can be done to help people understand cultures which are different from their own? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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