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Some people believe that it is the duty of the city authorities to provide cultural attractions such as the museums and art galleries. Others believe that this is waste of money and that the focus should be on providing an effective infrastructure and efficient services

Some people believe that it is the duty of the city authorities to provide cultural attractions such as the museums and art galleries. Others believe that this is waste of money and that the focus should be on providing an effective infrastructure and efficient services rJOo
Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people, therefore, think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages? In contemporary world, academic background of people has become the most substantial factor which enables them to gain authority among society and get a well-paid job. Majority consider that government should financially back up students who chose the field of education that is beneficial to society. However, I agree that the drawbacks of this method outweigh the positive influences. On the one hand, providing financial support for students who study in such significant fields as medicine and economics could be effective because of the fact that that it could ensure sufficient employees in these particular specialties. To illustrate, if governments offer more monitory grants for those who study in medicine faculties, they can encourage a vast number of school graduates to choose this area of education as their majors. Consequently, there will be plenty of breakthroughs and great advancements in the field of medicine which result in improvement of public health. Nonetheless, I personally believe that all educational subjects should be valued equally and every student have rights to receive funding supports in order that they can pursue their education, no matter in what field they study. In contrast, if governments support only some specific fields of education while ignoring other ones, the rate of unemployment in the country will gradually increase. For instance, since great facilities in particular educational areas attract more applicants despite their own interests and capacities, they will be more liable to fail the university exams. Consequently, they can't find appropriate jobs for themselves due to the fact that companies prefer to hire employees who have the level of higher education and experience. In conclusion, I believe that negative consequences of financially supporting the limited number of students will cause a big number of problems which outweigh the short-term benefits of this policy.
Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
need specialists in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not in others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should pay university fees for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
subjects that
are needed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
less relevant subjects should not receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages?

In contemporary world, academic background of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has become the most substantial factor which enables them to gain authority among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a well-paid job. Majority
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "considers".
consider
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
financially
back up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
chose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that is
beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the drawbacks of this method outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences.

On the one hand, providing financial support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in such significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
as medicine and economics could be effective
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
that it could ensure sufficient employees in these particular specialties. To illustrate, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
offer more monitory grants for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in medicine faculties, they can encourage a vast number of school graduates to choose this area of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as their majors.
Consequently
, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of breakthroughs and great advancements in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of medicine which result in improvement of public health.

Nonetheless, I
personally
believe that all educational subjects should
be valued
equally
and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
have rights to receive funding supports in order that they can pursue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, no matter in what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
In contrast
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
while ignoring other ones, the rate of unemployment in the country will
gradually
increase.
For instance
, since great facilities
in particular
educational areas attract more applicants despite their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interests and capacities, they will be more liable to fail the university exams.
Consequently
, they can't find appropriate jobs for themselves due to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to hire employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have the level of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and experience.

In conclusion
, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of
financially
supporting the limited number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will cause a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
number of problems which outweigh the short-term benefits of this policy.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that it is the duty of the city authorities to provide cultural attractions such as the museums and art galleries. Others believe that this is waste of money and that the focus should be on providing an effective infrastructure and efficient services

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
352 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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