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One people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects but others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects that are the best at or they are finally does not interest discuss the both views

One people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects but others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects that are the best at or they are finally does not interest discuss the both views 8EKP
People have different views on what subjects were focused on by students in their study. Some people believe that students ought to learn all subject when they are in school while I agree with those who think that teenagers should concentrate on the most favourite or best subjects which were found by students. On one hand, the curriculum is found the most suitable for all students. First of all, all subjects were verified by the Ministry of Education so the teenager can be follow those subject for the time when they study. Each subject has different views and extremely interesting when the student learns in school. Such as mathematic helps students has better at calculating, history brings students to historic place or event. In other words, all subject are quite significant for preparation before teenagers find their jobs. On the other hand, subjects which find the most excited always make student really want to study. The moods of a student before getting the lesson are important because the behaviour of leaner helps them absorb depth knowledge. For instance, the student who loves math always gets a high score at that subject and really want to find something harder and enhance their knowledge. Furthermore, the subject which students want to study can help them find relative jobs, hence students are easy to get a high position and good salary on their career. In conclusion, all subject was quite needed for all student in their study but they should find their best subject to get more interesting in them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
were focused
on by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
ought to learn all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
when they are in school while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should concentrate on the most
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
or best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which
were found
by students.

On one hand, the curriculum
is found
the most suitable for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
were verified
by the Ministry of Education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
can be
Consider using a past participle here: "followed".
follow
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for the time when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views and
The extreme adjective for interesting is "fascinating", or "exciting".
extremely interesting
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
learns in school. Such as mathematic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has better at calculating, history brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to historic place or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
In other words
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
are quite significant for preparation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
their jobs.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
the most excited always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
really
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. The moods of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting the lesson are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of leaner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them absorb depth knowledge.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
math always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a high score at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and
really
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
something harder and enhance their knowledge.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
relative jobs,
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high position and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary on their career.

In conclusion
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
was quite needed for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
their best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more interesting in them.

IELTS essay One people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects but others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects that are the best at or they are finally does not interest discuss the both views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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