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Some people think that the large amount of young people in university only lead to high rates of unemployed graduates.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the large amount of young people in university only lead to high rates of unemployed graduates. RPDP
Nowadays, some individual consider that the reason why high rates of employed graduates are promoted is because the amount of young university increase. Personally, I partially agree with this idea. Although the increasing amount of university graduates may cause unemployment problems, there are still many benefits to high levels of university education. On the one hand, as more young generation study at the university, the graduates will more hard to find a job. This is because many graduates who have high education will compete with others in order to get a job, which is more competitive. For example, many people may train in law, but there is limit position in law office. Therefore, it is difficult for those graduates who study in law find jobs. Besides, many students who study in further education have strong ambition. This means that they don’t want to have a low-salary job. When they can’t get their dream job, they will choose to stay at home. However, this opinion takes a very limited view on what the purpose of university education is meant to be. Not every person values their education based only on its ability to acquire them a high paying job in the future. Many people would like to study knowledge even if it seems useless for having a high-salary job. For example, those people who study in arts、sports and history, there are not many career options for these degrees yet people still value studying them. Besides, these knowledge also need people to inherit them. In conclusion, further education is one of the reason why the rate of unemployed graduates increase. However, there is not the only outcome of an increased attendance within higher education. There is value to education outside of its career value.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "individuals"?
individual
consider that the reason why
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high
rates of employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
are promoted
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the amount of young
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university
increase.
Personally
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. Although the increasing amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
may cause unemployment problems, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to
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high
levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education.

On the one hand, as more young generation
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study
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
will more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will compete with others in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, which is more competitive.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may train in law,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is limit position in law office.
Therefore
, it is difficult for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in law find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
have strong ambition. This means that they don’t want to have a low-salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. When they can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their dream
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job
, they will choose to stay at home.

However
, this opinion takes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited view on what the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is meant
to be. Not every person values their
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education
based
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on its ability to acquire them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
knowledge even if it seems useless for having a high-salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, those
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
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study
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
arts、sports
and history, there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
career options for these degrees
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
studying them.
Besides
,
Did you mean "this knowledge" or "these knowledges"?
these knowledge
also
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to inherit them.

In conclusion
,
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is one of the reason why the rate of unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
increase.
However
, there is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
outcome of an increased attendance within higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. There is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
its career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the large amount of young people in university only lead to high rates of unemployed graduates.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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