Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that it is necessary for all students to study until the age of 18 while others think there are good reasons to leave school early. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Some people believe that it is necessary for all students to study until the age of 18 while others think there are good reasons to leave school early. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion bxWLY
People have different views about whether school children under the age of 18 should be given the opportunity to go to school or start their work. While, in some situations, it is more likely to be reasonable for adolescents to leave school early, I believe that having a good educational background would benefit young people in the long term. There are various reasons why people may argue that young students should start their work as soon as possible. Firstly, due to the high rate of poverty, there are a number of families that can not afford their children to attend a school or even supply enough food. In Vietnam, for example, many children have to delay their schooling to help their parents earn money to pay the cost of living. Secondly, children who have the opportunities to work with people who are experts in particular fields can bring more valuable lessons for young students, which are not taught at school. As a result, when it comes to applying to a position in a company, employers tend to favour applicants who have an experience rather than those who do not. However, I support the views that education plays a vital role in national development perspective and government should do much more to keep young people in school until the age of 18. Young children who do not have enough knowledge can be exploited in exhausting jobs. Furthermore, if governments allocate a national budget to promote children schooling, they will witness an increase in quality working adults and help to develop their countries. For instance, if government funding in Vietnam had enhanced the quality of life of the poor, children would have not to drop out of school and some of them would have been talented workers serving our world. In conclusion, although it might seem sensible for young students to delay their studies, I personally assume governments should support school children financially as well as mentally.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under the age of 18 should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their work. While, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations, it is more likely to be reasonable for adolescents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
early, I believe that having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educational background would benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the long term.

There are various reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
students should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their work as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
Firstly
, due to the high rate of poverty, there are a number of families that can not afford their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to attend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or even supply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
food. In Vietnam,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
delay their schooling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their parents earn money to pay the cost of living.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have the opportunities to work with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are experts
in particular
fields can bring more valuable lessons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
students, which are not taught at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
As a result
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to applying to a position in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, employers tend to
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
applicants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have an experience
rather
than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not.

However
, I support the views that education plays a vital role in national development perspective and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should do much more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
until the age of 18.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge can
be exploited
in exhausting jobs.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
allocate a national budget to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
schooling, they will witness an increase in quality working adults and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop their countries.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funding in Vietnam had enhanced the quality of life of the poor,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would have not to drop out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them would have
been talented
workers serving our world.

In conclusion
, although it might seem sensible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
students to delay their studies, I
personally
assume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
financially
as well
as mentally.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is necessary for all students to study until the age of 18 while others think there are good reasons to leave school early. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts