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Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Others, however, believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. v.2

Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Others, however, believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. v. 2
A vast section of the society think that the kids should be enrolled in a school at an early age. While, some believe that they should allow kids to engage more in recreation activities at home until a certain age. I, wholeheartedly, agree with the first view. The advancement in the technology has revolutionised the education sector. Most of the schools are built with modern facilities. New ways of learning are introduced in the school curriculum which focus more on the recreation and stress on the physical growth of a child. For instance, play ways, childcare and nurseries which are fully dedicated to the kids below 6 years of age. Moreover, all these establishments have excellent programs which engage kids to perform different activities. In addition to this, all these schools have professional staff, who are trained to take care of kids and make sure they develop mentally as well as physically. According to a survey, the kids who start school at an early age are more mentally developed than the rest of the kids. Mental development includes abilities such as thinking, attending, problem solving and creativity. Some portion of the society argues that the adolescent age should be spent at home as kids require more care and protection. Moreover, they also tend to believe that schools somehow restrict the children and hampers their freedom. Similarly, Ethics and behavior are argued to be more developed at home, instead of the schools where bad habits may influence the children. In conclusion, I must admit that ethics and behavior can be inherited at home, but the mental development is the key to every kid. The modern establishments are highly advanced and focus on the overall development of adolescence.
A vast section of the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should
be enrolled
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to engage more in recreation activities at home until a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. I,
wholeheartedly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
first
view.

The advancement in the technology has
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
the education sector. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are built
with modern facilities. New ways of learning
are introduced
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum which focus more on the recreation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the physical growth of a child.
For instance
, play ways, childcare and nurseries which are
fully
dedicated to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
below 6 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Moreover
, all these establishments have excellent programs which engage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities.
In addition
to this, all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have professional staff, who
are trained
to take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure they develop mentally
as well
as
physically
. According to a survey, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
are more mentally developed than the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. Mental development includes abilities such as thinking, attending, problem solving and creativity.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
portion of the society argues that the adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should
be spent
at home as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
require more care and protection.
Moreover
, they
also
tend to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
somehow restrict the children and hampers their freedom.
Similarly
, Ethics and behavior
are argued
to be more developed at home,
instead
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits may influence the children.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit that ethics and behavior can
be inherited
at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the mental development is the key to every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
. The modern establishments are
highly
advanced and focus on the
overall
development of adolescence.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Others, however, believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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