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Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. academic subjects rather than other subjects.

According to the traditional school system academic knowledge was given utmost priority, however for the overall development of children it is vital to incorporate physical education as a part of their curriculum. I firmly believe that it is important to include physical education as a part of curriculum for young children. This essay will be discussing both the views. Incorporating physical drilling has become necessary because firstly, in order to achieve higher grades in this competitive arena, children do not spend time on physical activities. For instance, most of the children after coming school are asked to take tuitions or supportive classes which leaves them with no time to play. Secondly, health risks are rising with each passing day due to modern and sedentary lifestyle. To avoid and protect new generation from these issues, it is extremely essential to indulge them in physical activities. For example, one period for each class should be dedicated for sports so that children can take part in the choice of their sports. Lastly, their are a lot of students who are not good in academics and perform well in sports such classes would provide them with an opportunity to excel in the activities they like to illustrate, there a some students who are wonderful in sports but are not provided with platform to succeed in it, this would enable that. However, there are a few people who think children should most of their time in academics. This can be because they realize that competition is excessively increasing and kids should excel in subject matter, which would give them access to better employment opportunities. Furthermore, there kids who invest all their time in different activities and divert their focus from studies in such cases also parents do not want these classes to take place. In my opinion, academics are definitely needed to progress and prosper but at the same time for children to develop in all the spheres, physically, mentally and emotionally it is required that they take part in physical activities. To conclude, it could be stated as times are changing, children should not be burdened and bounded only be subject knowledge. They should be encouraged to indulge in sports for their all-round development and ease of mind.
According to the traditional school system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
knowledge was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
utmost priority,
however
for the
overall
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
it is vital to incorporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of their curriculum. I
firmly
believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of curriculum for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This essay will be discussing both the views. Incorporating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
drilling has become necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
firstly
, in order to achieve higher grades in this competitive arena,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For instance
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
after coming school
are asked
to take
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
or supportive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play.
Secondly
, health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
are rising with each passing day due to modern and sedentary lifestyle. To avoid and protect new generation from these issues, it is
extremely
essential to indulge them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For example
, one period for each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
should
be dedicated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in the choice of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Lastly
,
Did you mean “there”?
their
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
and perform well in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
would provide them with an opportunity to excel in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they like to illustrate, there a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are wonderful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are not provided with platform to succeed in it, this would enable that.
However
, there are a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
. This can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they realize that competition is
excessively
increasing and kids should excel in
This phrase is redundant. Consider using “subject” to avoid wordiness.
subject matter
, which would give them access to better employment opportunities.
Furthermore
, there kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
invest all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and divert their focus from studies in such cases
also
parents do not want these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
to take place. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
are definitely needed to progress and prosper
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop in all the spheres,
physically
, mentally and
emotionally
it
is required
that they take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
To conclude
, it could
be stated
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
are changing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
be burdened
and bounded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be subject knowledge. They should
be encouraged
to indulge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for their all-round development and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of mind.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. academic subjects rather than other subjects.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
374 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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