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Some people believe that it is essential to include physical education classes in the curriculum for all school age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Some people believe that it is essential to include physical education classes in the curriculum for all school age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. aWJ7
Education is the basic knowledge which could be acquired from other source such as books, article and much more. The importance of knowledge does not change based on, where you live or what age you are. I go with the fact that Physical education is needed for school going children. This is because of the following reasons. To begin with, Physical education includes daily exercises, other physical activities and games. These are very important not only to children but also to people of all ages. This is because it helps to keep the people's mind calm and engaged in a task. It enhances the bodies coordination both motor and sensory. It also help maintaining the bodies physical structure and built. This could be well explained by an example. Ramanu was a lazy boy. He used to enjoy most of his time by watching television, playing video games, eating whatever he liked and his life went as such. One fine day he was not able to breath and was panicking, at that time his mother saw him called 911. He was taken to the hospital. The doctors diagnosed that he was suffering from Apnea. This condition happened because of his overweight. From that day Ramanu realised his mistakes and started doing physical activities. Secondly, the argument here is about Academic improvement which has its positive side too. The world we live in now has a lot of information and vast knowledge which needs to be acquired and passed on to our next generation. For this purpose it is very much necessary to gain academic credential and work yourself. Though gaining knowelege is essential it is not at the expense of one's health. For instance, Samutha was very intelligent. she was academically the brightest student and the best in her job. Since she spent all of her time on work and neglected the physical activities she died of heart attack very young. This is why it is very important to manage both physical education and academics at the same time. I conclude my passage by saying that Physical education is vital to be included in the children education. Habits are usually formed in younger ages and developing a newer habit in older ages is completely impossible. Hence, let's teach our children the good habit of doing physical exercise every day and change their lives for the better.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is the basic knowledge which could
be acquired
from other source such as books, article and much more. The importance of knowledge does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
based on, where you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or what age you are. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is needed
for school going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
includes daily exercises, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities and games. These are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all

ages. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mind calm and engaged in a task. It enhances the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "bodies'" or "body's"?
bodies
coordination both motor and sensory. It
also
Did you mean "helps"?
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to maintain" or "maintain".
maintaining


the bodies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
structure and built. This could be well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by an example.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ramanu
was a lazy boy. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to enjoy most of his time by watching television,

playing video games, eating whatever he liked and his life went as such. One fine day he was not able to breath and was panicking, at that time his mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
him
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
called


911. He
was taken
to the hospital. The doctors diagnosed that he was suffering from Apnea. This condition happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his overweight. From that day
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Ramanu


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
realised
his mistakes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.

Secondly
, the argument here is about Academic improvement which has its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side too. The world we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information and vast knowledge which
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
needs


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
be acquired
and passed on to our
next
generation. For this purpose it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much necessary to gain academic credential and work yourself. Though gaining
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
knowelege


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
is
essential it is not at the expense of one's health.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Samutha
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
intelligent.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
she
was
academically
the brightest student and the best in her job.

Since she spent all of her time on work and neglected the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
of heart attack
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young. This is why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to manage
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
both


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and academics at the same time.

I conclude my passage by saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is vital to
be included
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Habits are
usually
formed in younger ages and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
developing


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
newer habit in older ages is completely impossible.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's teach our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habit of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise every day and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives


for the better.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that it is essential to include physical education classes in the curriculum for all school age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects.

Essay
  American English
12 paragraphs
395 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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