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Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more time. Discuss both views and give your opinion DDoa
In today’s world, a sense of happiness and satisfaction varies from one individual to another. While certain individuals prefer money, others consider it important to possess an adequate amount of time. However, I am profoundly inclined towards the latter viewpoint, and the reason for my belief is elaborated further. To commence with the supporting statements for the former opinion, it is intuitively obvious for the materialistic-mindsets to compensate with less free time but owing an exorbitant amount of money because their level of satisfaction is achieved by possessing every luxurious item of the world. To be more elaborative, a few masses become happy when they are able to afford whatever they wish for, regardless of the price of the product. To quote an instance, one of my colleagues is pursuing two jobs simultaneously due to which he is never unoccupied, but quite happy owing to his passion of collecting expensive gadgets. Hence, for the money-oriented people, having more money and less vacant hours can be comprehended. In contrast, the individuals preferring more spare time might are the family-oriented people as they are able to devote the same time towards their near and dear ones. In broader terms, for such people, even if they have less income, their happiness relies on the social-interaction with their loved ones. To exemplify, I have been working since last 4 years on the same salary, but being able to spend my leisure time with my friends and family, I feel overwhelmed and satisfied. This, possessing less money but more free time is certainly a vindicating point for its supporters. In my opinion, I absolutely opine towards the latter ideology as it not only allows one to relax, but also keeps one socially active. To conclude, even though people have their own perceptions about the terms of money and time, I personally feel delighted to have more time due to the aforementioned explanation.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, a sense of happiness and satisfaction varies from one individual to another. While certain individuals prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, others consider it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to possess an adequate amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, I am
profoundly
inclined towards the latter viewpoint, and the reason for my belief
is elaborated
further
.

To commence with the supporting statements for the former opinion, it is
intuitively
obvious for the materialistic-mindsets to compensate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
owing an exorbitant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their level of satisfaction
is achieved
by possessing every luxurious item of the world. To be more elaborative, a few masses become happy when they are able to afford whatever they wish for, regardless of the price of the product.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
To
quote an instance, one of my colleagues is pursuing two jobs
simultaneously
due to which he is never unoccupied,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
quite happy owing to his passion of collecting expensive gadgets.
Hence
, for the money-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
vacant hours can
be comprehended
.

In contrast
, the individuals preferring more spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
might are the family-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they are able to devote the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
towards their near and dear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. In broader terms, for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, even if they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
income, their happiness relies on the social-interaction with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. To exemplify, I have been working since last 4 years on the same salary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
being able to spend my leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with my friends and family, I feel overwhelmed and satisfied. This, possessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
certainly
a vindicating point for its supporters.

In my opinion, I
absolutely
opine towards the latter ideology as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
one to relax,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
one
socially
active.

To conclude
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perceptions about the terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I
personally
feel delighted to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
due to the aforementioned explanation.
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IELTS essay Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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