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Some people believe that it is better to live your life to make as much money as you can, while others think it is better to live a relaxing life. Which do you think is better and give examples. v.1

Some people believe that it is better to live your life to make as much money as you can, while others think it is better to live a relaxing life. Which do you think is better and give examples. v. 1
It is argued that developing nations undergoing some forms of natural catastrophe ought to be lifted by the developed states who can render help with human resources. This essay agrees with this statement because it is morally justifiable for them to assist the third world nations and to also reduce the number of casualties during those periods. The highly developed and richer nations are morally justified when they give assistance to the needy. These underdeveloped nations that are struck by an act God such as flooding, hurricane, earthquake and fires does not have the technical know-how to combat these issues. Therefore, it is the duty of some morally standing richer states to come to their aid with their knowledge and other resources like food, shelter and clothing. Furthermore, the people form these developing countries will be forced to immigrate illegally to the developed nations as refugees which might be a stress on their economy. A recent study showed that there is an increasing number of European countries sending relief materials to the poverty-stricken states during unexpected occurrences. Another vital reason for giving support to the less privileged nations is to prevent an increasing number of fatalities as a result of the calamity. There would be an escalation of these issues if these developing countries experiencing a natural occurrence do not receive aid from powerful and highly developed nations. During a period like this, the health care facilities would have been over-stretched thereby requiring assistance from wealthier nations which will decrease the rate of mortality. It was reported in a popular newspaper that the United States of America supplied one of the East African countries with a formidable health care services when the nation was attacked by the deadly Ebola disease. In conclusion, when poorer states are in distress, the richer nations are to be blamed because it is ethical for them to render basic amenities of life and also to minimise the effect of the tragedy.
It
is argued
that developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
undergoing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
forms of natural catastrophe ought to
be lifted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
who can render
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with human resources. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
morally
justifiable for them to assist the third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and to
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of casualties during those periods.

The
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
and richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are
morally
justified when they give assistance to the needy. These underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
that
are struck
by an act God such as flooding, hurricane, earthquake and fires does not have the technical know-how to combat these issues.
Therefore
, it is the duty of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
morally
standing richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to their aid with their knowledge and other resources like food, shelter and clothing.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
form these developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
be forced
to immigrate
illegally
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
as refugees which might be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on their economy. A recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that there is an increasing number of European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
sending relief materials to the poverty-stricken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
during unexpected occurrences.

Another vital reason for giving support to the less privileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
an increasing number of fatalities
as a result
of the calamity. There would be an escalation of these issues if these developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
experiencing a natural occurrence do not receive aid from powerful and
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. During a period like this, the health care facilities would have been over-stretched thereby requiring assistance from wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
which will decrease the rate of mortality. It
was reported
in a popular newspaper that the United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
of America supplied one of the East African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with a formidable health care services when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
was attacked
by the deadly Ebola disease.

In conclusion
, when poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
are in distress, the richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are to
be blamed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is ethical for them to render basic amenities of life and
also
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the effect of the tragedy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is better to live your life to make as much money as you can, while others think it is better to live a relaxing life. Which do you think is better and give examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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