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Some people believe that international companies should take responsibility for dealing with environmental and social problems in the world. Do you agree or disagree v.2

Some people believe that international companies should take responsibility for dealing with environmental and social problems in the world. v. 2
The previous century was characterized by the emergence and growth of huge multinational companies in the world, some of which monopolized the market and generated substantial revenues by selling their products in all corners of the world. However, as a number of global issues, like poverty and climate change, have assumed importance, many people hold the view that such corporations are expected to adopt and play an active role in tackling such issues. I agree with this idea entirely. From an environmental perspective, the emission of greenhouse gases is the root cause of global warming and the problems that follow such as the melting of the Arctic ice. Although the Kyoto Protocol exerts pressure on industrialized countries to lessen the amount of CO2 they produce, greenhouse emissions are still a serious issue posing serious threats to human race in the not-too-distant future. Given that this growing problem is caused by such industry giants, it is reasonable to expect them to appropriate a proportion of their income for environmental issues. Some of these companies claim that they conduct groundbreaking research to devise more environmentally-friendly methods, and reduce the harm they do. True as it may be, they still have to pay money to support green projects all over the world, because it is a problem for which they should assume responsibility. These profitable companies should also be involved in social activities. Modern human societies are faced with numerous social disorders, including starvation, illiteracy, vice and poverty. Under the circumstances that every single person should perform a role in tackling these issues, can such successful leading companies remain indifferent to the aforementioned problems? In fact, their wealth and reputation should be attributed to human behaviour to purchase their products, so they are indebted to humanity and human societies. For the purpose of illustration, consider the most successful entrepreneur in the world, Bill Gates, who has devoted his entire life to humanitarian purposes. Apart from the moral part, this course of action can even lead to greater success, because people have a positive sense, knowing that they can help starving children in Africa if they purchase certain goods or services from a company. To sum up, it is high time reputable companies served a more active role in dealing with environmental and social issues affecting the entire humanity. It is through such participation that they can maintain the trust of the general public and move into the new era.
The previous century
was characterized
by the emergence and growth of huge multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of which monopolized the market and generated substantial revenues by selling their products in all corners of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
However
, as a number of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, like poverty and climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, have assumed importance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the view that such corporations are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to adopt and play an active role in tackling such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
entirely
.

From an environmental perspective, the emission of greenhouse gases is the root cause of global warming and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that follow such as the melting of the Arctic ice. Although the Kyoto Protocol exerts pressure on industrialized countries to lessen the amount of CO2 they produce, greenhouse emissions are
still
a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
posing serious threats to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
race in the not-too-distant future.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that this growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is caused
by such industry giants, it is reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
them to appropriate a proportion of their income for environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
claim that they conduct groundbreaking research to devise more
environmentally
-friendly methods, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the harm they do. True as it may be, they
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay money to support green projects all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for which they should assume responsibility.

These profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
also
be involved
in social activities. Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
societies
are faced
with numerous social disorders, including starvation, illiteracy, vice and poverty. Under the circumstances that every single person should perform a role in tackling these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, can such successful leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
remain indifferent to the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
? In fact, their wealth and reputation should
be attributed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their products,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
are indebted
to humanity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
societies. For the purpose of illustration, consider the most successful entrepreneur in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, Bill Gates, who has devoted his entire life to humanitarian purposes. Apart from the moral part, this course of action can even lead to greater success,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sense, knowing that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to starve" or "starve".
starving
children in Africa if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
or services from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To sum up, it is high time reputable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
served a more active role in dealing with environmental and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
affecting the entire humanity. It is through such participation that they can maintain the trust of the
Consider using "public".
general public
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into the new era.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people believe that international companies should take responsibility for dealing with environmental and social problems in the world. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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