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Some people believe that individuals should spend much money on family celebrations do you agree or disagree this situation

Some people believe that individuals should spend much money on family celebrations this situation BJ16V
In fast paced life, many people like to celebrate family celebrations with significant amount of money some human beings opine that individuals should spend a large amount of money to events for closely folks as come so few times in lifetime. Furthermore others think that it is a waste of money. This essaywill discuss both views with relevant examples. Some people argue that spending a lot of money on a family holiday is necessary in their life since many have a dream to arrange a luxurious holiday such a dream is more common among girls. Moreover show everyone about your dream on social networks and notify everyone on the internet. For example these family celebration may be birthday or weeding and human spend much money for these events to have do not forget the memory forever. bAs result of this they fondly remember these moments. In the one hand it is, some people believe that is not right to spend a massive amount of money on personal celebrations as many nations are starving. Furthermore this a enormous amount of money can sent to poor population. For example in Africa where human do not even have food to eat. As result this money which spent on celebration can be sent for people in need and save their lives. To sum up there are both merits and demerits of these both views such as need learn that spend money wisely. In my opinion it is necessary to reduce the spending on parties and spend that money for the poor people's food.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to celebrate family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
with significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
human beings opine that individuals should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
for
closely
folks as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
few times in lifetime.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
essaywill
discuss both views with relevant examples.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on a family holiday is necessary in their life since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
have a dream to arrange a luxurious holiday such a dream is more common among girls.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
everyone about your dream on social networks and notify everyone on the internet.
For example
these family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
may be birthday or weeding and human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
to have
Use past participle here: "done".
do
not forget the memory forever.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
bAs
result of this they
fondly
remember these moments.

In the one hand it is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
that is
not right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations are starving.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
this
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to poor population.
For example
in Africa where human do not even have food to eat. As result this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need and save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To sum up there are both merits and demerits of these both views such as need learn that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wisely
. In my opinion it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the spending on parties and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's food.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that individuals should spend much money on family celebrations this situation

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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