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Nowadays, some people claim that attending indoor or outdoor sports is the best way for individuals in respect of developing their mental well-being

Nowadays, some people claim that attending indoor or outdoor sports is the best way for individuals in respect of developing their mental well-being pR3xw
Ever since the industrial revolution, working life have affected the people daily life and routine. These can result in increasing their psychological issues. Nowadays, some people claim that attending indoor or outdoor sports is the best way for individuals in respect of developing their mental well-being. Consequently, I totally agree with this opinion. In this essay, I will examine this idea with strong samples and try to come up with new effective ways On the one hand, group sports create a sense of responsibility in people and this way makes them feel good socially and psychologically. For example, if individuals take part in team activities, their work can be affected positively by experiments that they get in the community. In addition, not only their work but their family life is also influenced by these activities. Consequently, attending these types of hobbies can lead to a significant improvement in shaping their characters and behaviours. Another reason why I agree with this circumstance is that thanks to creating a refreshment body system, innumerable benefits can be gained by attendees who participate in some sports branch. For instance, some researchers’ articles illustrate that athletes have far more brain cells than ordinary people who are not interested in sports. There is no doubt that people boosted brain cells can concentrate on whatever they do. As a result, people achieve success inevitably. On the other hand, due to the fact that sports can lead to some temporary and chronic health problems for people, they may not participate in any sports events as a sportsman. Take Ridvan Dilmen’s sports career as an example. He had to give up his developing career at his 20s ages, and it brings about the destruction of his psychology. In addition to this opinion, other ways can be keeping a pet and spending time in nature to reduce people’s stress. It is clear that we can observe people who had a pet live longer than others according to the specialist Buminhan Karadag who is in Akdeniz University. In conclusion, for all these reasons, there is no doubt that sports facilities play a key role in people's lives to achieve being social and mental goodness. Personally, I strongly support this idea because of the things mentioned above. Lastly, I think that funding of sports can make a way for developing people’s lives.
Ever since the industrial revolution, working life have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
daily life and routine. These can result in increasing their psychological issues. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that attending indoor or outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is the best way for individuals in respect of developing their mental well-being.
Consequently
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion. In this essay, I will examine this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
with strong samples and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with new effective
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
ways


On the one hand, group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
create a sense of responsibility in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and this way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
socially
and
psychologically
.
For example
, if individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in team activities, their work can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
positively
by experiments that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in the community.
In addition
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their family life is
also
influenced by these activities.
Consequently
, attending these types of hobbies can lead to a significant improvement in shaping their characters and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

Another reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this circumstance is that thanks to creating a refreshment body system, innumerable benefits can
be gained
by attendees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
branch.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researchers’ articles illustrate that athletes have far more brain cells than ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
boosted brain cells can concentrate on whatever they do.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
achieve success
inevitably
.

On the other hand
, due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
temporary and chronic health problems for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they may not participate in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
as a sportsman. Take
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ridvan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dilmen
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
career as an example. He had to give up his developing career at his 20s ages, and it brings about the destruction of his psychology.
In addition
to this opinion, other ways can be keeping a pet and spending time in nature to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that we can observe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had a pet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than others according to the specialist
Possible spelling mistake found.
Buminhan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karadag
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Akdeniz
University.

In conclusion
, for all these reasons, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities play a key role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to achieve being social and mental goodness.
Personally
, I
strongly
support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the things mentioned above.
Lastly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that funding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a way for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, some people claim that attending indoor or outdoor sports is the best way for individuals in respect of developing their mental well-being

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
390 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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