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Some people believe that in present times, women do get as much equality at work as men

Some people believe that in present times, women do get as much equality at work as men ELG3q
Women now certainly enjoy more rights and privileges than they did in the past. This can be seen in the increasing number of women in the workplace. Some argue that in this day and age, women enjoy as much equality as men while others counter this and claim that even today women have to struggle for their success at work. Both sides of this argument will be analysed in this essay before a reasoned conclusion is drawn. On the one hand, an ever rising number of women are employed in higher management positions in roles that were traditionally considered to be suitable for men only. For example, the current national assembly of New Zealand consists of 54 women and 58 men. This is the highest proportion of women in the national assembly in the history of New Zealand. Women also serve in armed forces in many countries and in sectors like healthcare and teaching, there are more women than men. Therefore, it is obvious why the argument that women get the same equality as men has garnered support. On the other hand, the situation is different in the corporate world where women still have to overcome many obstacles and challenges to get to the top positions in the corporate world. Take a recent survey conducted by Robert Walters for example. This survey highlighted that an alarming number of employers were hesitant to hire women as head of the departments due to the possibility of women having to take maternity leave. This is reflected in the disproportionately higher number of men occupying higher management positions in Fortune 500 companies than women. When seen in this light, it is obvious that women still have to fight a lot more than men for success at work. In conclusion, both sides of the argument are valid; however, I personally feel that women still have to deal with a myriad of obstacles to succeed at their workplaces. This is particularly true in the corporate world. It is hoped that one day this gender gap will cease to exist.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
certainly
enjoy more rights and privileges than they did in the past. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the workplace.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that in this day and age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
enjoy as much equality as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
while others counter this and claim that even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle for their success at work. Both sides of this argument will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
in this essay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a reasoned conclusion
is drawn
.

On the one hand, an ever rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are employed
in higher management positions in roles that were
traditionally
considered to be suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
national assembly of New Zealand consists of 54
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and 58
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. This is the highest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the national assembly in the history of New Zealand.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
also
serve in armed forces in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries and in sectors like healthcare and teaching, there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Therefore
, it is obvious why the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same equality as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
has garnered support.

On the other hand
, the situation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in the corporate world where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles and challenges to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the top positions in the corporate world. Take a recent survey conducted by Robert Walters
for example
. This survey highlighted that an alarming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of employers were hesitant to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as head of the departments due to the possibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
having to take maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
. This
is reflected
in the
disproportionately
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
occupying higher management positions in Fortune 500
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in this light, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
fight a lot more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
for success at work.

In conclusion
, both sides of the argument are valid;
however
, I
personally
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with a myriad of obstacles to succeed at their workplaces. This is
particularly
true in the corporate world. It
is hoped
that one day this gender gap will cease to exist.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that in present times, women do get as much equality at work as men

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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