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Some people believe that in order to fulfill one's potential their hobby should be turned into a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that in order to fulfill one's potential their hobby should be turned into a job. oyxw
There are people who think that to fulfil someone's potential the hobby they are doing ought to become their full-time job. I partially agree with the idea that a full-time job could bring more opportunities to enjoy the hobby and improve particular skills in order to achieve some success. On the one hand, if someone decides to turn his/her hobby to a job they are starting their business. In order to start a business, a person might need money to buy some equipment or materials, it depends on the hobby. Secondly, hobbies are something we do to get relief from work, to get rest and enjoy time. This means that hobby is not gonna be a hobby anymore. The third argument is that usually, people choose a particular hobby to enjoy their leisure time, so the leisure time will also include a job. On the other hand, people who decide to turn their hobby to a full-time job this way can improve their skills in this hobby and show great success in it. Moreover, what can be more enjoyable than earning money for a job that you enjoy to the fullest? Right, nothing, that is why in the 21st century it is a trend to get a degree but turn a hobby to a full-time job. While some people hate their job, people who turn their hobby to their business enjoy every second of it. In conclusion, I partially agree with the statement. Whilst not everyone is going to be able to manage their business as well as replace their full-time job with a hobby, there are some people who might face great success. I also believe that those who do their hobby as a job do their job the best.
There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that to fulfil someone's potential the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
they are doing ought to become their full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that a full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
could bring more opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in order to achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
success.

On the one hand, if someone decides to
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turn
his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they are starting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, a person might need money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
equipment or materials, it depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are something we do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relief from work, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rest and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
time. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is not
The word 'gonna' is informal. Consider an alternative.
gonna
be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
anymore. The third argument is that
usually
,
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people
choose a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
their leisure time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the leisure time will
also
include a job.

On the other hand
,
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
turn
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
to a full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
this way can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
great success in it.
Moreover
, what can be more enjoyable than earning money for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
to the fullest? Right, nothing,
that is
why in the 21st century it is a trend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a degree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
turn
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
to a full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
turn
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
every second of it.

In conclusion
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement. Whilst not everyone is going to be able to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
as well
as replace their full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
might face great success. I
also
believe that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
the best.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that in order to fulfill one's potential their hobby should be turned into a job.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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