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Some people say that the Olympic Games no longer play a role in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the Olympic Games no longer play a role in the 21st century. kngn
It is argues that Olympic games does not have a purpose anymore in today's world. This essay disagrees with this statement since Olympic games is a way to give the youths a sense of purpose and helps in promoting patriotism. Olympic games plays a huge role in keeping young people interested in sports, a healthy alternative compared to more idle ones such as television. In this century, the young people have access to lots of activities which might not only be unhealthy but also illegal. Olympic games serves to keep the youths of today engaged in sports instead of falling into alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. According to a recent survey performed with 600 college students from different schools, 75% of the students demonstrated interest in Olympic games and were interested in performing a sport after watching Olympic games. Furthermore, people showed more patriotic feelings during Olympic games. An increase in patriotism might prove to be beneficial to both the economy and law and order of a nation. People felt a sense of belonging which affected their behaviour as a whole. For instance, people might start buying more local products reducing imports in the country and loss of foreign currency. The crime rate might also decrease with people thinking twice before hurting the fellow countryman. An academic study recently performed showed that there was an increase in patriotic activities and voluntary actions during and following an Olympic game. To conclude, Olympic games are still relevant in this century. they not only give the youth of today an encouragement to perform sports but can also lead a nation to be more patriotic and the citizens more helpful towards each other.
It is argues that Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
does not have a purpose
Make sure that 'anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?
anymore
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world. This essay disagrees with this statement since Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is a way to give the youths a sense of purpose and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in promoting patriotism.

Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
plays a huge role in keeping young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, a healthy alternative compared to more idle ones such as television. In this century, the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have access to lots of activities which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be unhealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
illegal. Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
serves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the youths of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
engaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
instead
of falling into alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. According to a recent survey performed with 600 college students from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
schools, 75% of the students demonstrated interest in Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
were interested
in performing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
after watching
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
more patriotic feelings during Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. An increase in patriotism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
prove to be beneficial to both the economy and law and order of a nation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
felt a sense of belonging which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
as a whole.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
buying more local products reducing imports in the country and loss of foreign currency. The crime rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
also
decrease with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thinking twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
hurting the fellow countryman. An academic study recently performed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that there was an increase in patriotic activities and voluntary actions during and following an Olympic game.

To conclude
, Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
still
relevant in this century.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give the youth of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
an encouragement to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
lead a nation to be more patriotic and the citizens more helpful towards each other.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the Olympic Games no longer play a role in the 21st century.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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